


Oh, When You Love It

by soulmatecest



Series: Siren!Jensen [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Bottom Jared, Creature Jensen, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Hurt Jared, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Homophobic Slurs, Minor Character Death, Past Domestic Violence, Possessive Jensen, Protective Jensen, Top Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-06 20:05:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5429036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulmatecest/pseuds/soulmatecest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wanting love is not exactly part of Jensen's Siren nature, but there’s a reason why he’s a half-blood after all. He has human DNA mixed up with the murderous, mythical blood pumping through his body.</p><p>There’s the part of himself that doesn’t mean to kill. The other side of the coin, the good part of himself. The other half that wants to be normal, a part that wants to stay far away from the mythical section of the library in his head and act like a human, have a job like a human, date like a human and fall in love like a human. But after some hundred years of trying to do that romance nonsense, life has proven that Jensen should probably give up on that idea. Finding love when he's half of a mythical monster doesn't seem very promising. </p><p>That's until Jared walks into the bar he’s working in on a Thursday night, proving Jensen that Siren or not, there's an exception for everything. And Jared is his exception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, When You Love It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cherie_morte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherie_morte/gifts).



> Merry Christmas to cheriemorte, my beautiful giftee for the spn-j2-xmas challenge! It seems like 2015 was the year for us to be paired up! (We are also working together for RBB, by the way, one of my favorite authors chose my art piece; I'm still smug about it.) I took one of your prompts and tried to add little things from your "likes" and what I already know you enjoy. Have some killer-creature!Jensen this year, you have been naughty enough to deserve it! And I really hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Million thanks and hugs to my beautiful and talented beta Elenya, who took time from her break to beta my story in such a short time and do miracles with it to make it a decent story. You are so wonderful and such an amazing beta reader, I don't know what I would do without your help and suggestions for my stories. You are the beta of my dreams!
> 
> As an extra note about the story: I based the Sirens in the fic on one of my favorite Greek versions where Sirens had to kill to survive and if they didn't successfully drown the sailors, their immortality would wear off and they would be the ones who would end up dead.
> 
> The title of the story is taken from the fragment of one of Caitlyn Siehl’s poems: 
> 
> “When is a monster not a monster?  
> Oh, when you love it.”

 

 

If there’s something Jensen can swear on his life, is that half of the time he doesn’t mean to do _it_.

There are two sides of the story, two parts of himself.

On the one hand you have his true nature filled with  _instincts_  and  _basic needs,_  and then you have  _Jensen_  himself, with his personality and his own choices. Jensen’s species doesn’t define who he is, it doesn’t define his entire life.

Or at least he likes to think so.

It lets him sleep at night when his hands are still aching from digging shitty improvised graves—somewhere far away to not call the cops attention to his neighborhood as the possible location of the killer when they find the bodies—and he can still smell the perfume of his last victim all over himself.

It’s the sweet melody that rings in his ears late at night and allows him to fall asleep without that much guilt.  _“It's not who I am, and only sometimes I can’t help it.”_

He’s not going to lie to himself: fifty percent of the times when he goes out he knows he’s going to end killing his victim; but when that happens he makes sure to pick them well.

Jensen doesn’t  _always_ mean to kill them, but when he does, he makes sure to choose the most fucked-up prizes he can find.

He can almost smell their rotten core inside them from the moment they walk into  _his_ bar—which is technically not  _his_ , but his territorial, mythical side likes to think that way for traditional purposes—leaving a disgusting scent in the air that only Jensen can latch onto. Guys who hit their wives, rapists, murderers, a woman who forces her teenage daughter to sleep with men for money, an asshole who enjoys hurting animals.

Being rotten inside also shows on the outside, or at least it does in Jensen’s presence.

He might be a mythical freak but some humans are even more fucked up than he is.

And Jensen picks those ones, the rotten kind nobody will miss or everybody will be glad to hear they disappeared.

The world is better off without some people anyway.

So when Jensen  _needs_ to kill, he goes for that brand.

That’s the thing with his mythological side: It likes to kill. It  _needs_ to kill. At this point of his life, Jensen knows that if he doesn’t kill someone every other month then  _he_ is going to end up dead. Siren blood needs to murder for some ancient bullshit reason Jensen can’t explain. There’s a part of his bloodline that  came to this world for that sole reason and as much as Jensen tried to fight it at first, it’s him against thousand of years of tradition and nature. He can’t win that one.

It becomes a  _kill or get killed_  kind of situation and Jensen enjoys being alive very much and would like to keep it that way as long as he possibly can.

But then, there’s the part inside of him that doesn’t mean to kill. The other side of the coin, the  _good_ part of himself.

The other half that wants to be normal—how disgustingly cliché—a part that wants to stay far away from the mythical section of the library inside his head and act like a human, have a job like a human, date like a human and fall in love like a human.

He would like to say  _and not murder like a human_ , but as far as Jensen is concerned the human kind kills way more people in a day that all the remaining Sirens in the world do in a year, so he’s not gonna go down that road.

Wanting love is not exactly part of his Siren nature, but there’s a reason why he’s a half-blood after all. He has human DNA mixed up in between those blood-hungry needs pumping through his body; the result of his mother getting pregnant after keeping a human sailor she could simply not bringing herself to kill. She always said that Jensen’s need to find a  _mate_ —for lack of a better word, she doesn’t know a lot of human terms—comes from his human side thanks to his father. None of than  _romance nonsense_  comes from her, as she always likes to say.

But after a couple of centuries of trying to do that  _romance nonsense_ , life has proven that Jensen should probably give up on that idea.

Jensen is stubborn and has always tried to fight the odds, especially his own nature. Oh, that’s Jensen’s favorite kind of fights. The ones that go against his true nature.

So he keeps trying, no matter what, to find that kind of  _love_  that made his father want to stay with a mythological creature that lived to kill.

The only  _small_ problem is that whenever Jensen tries to date, he ends killing the poor bastards by mistake.

 _That’s_  the other half of the story, the occasions when Jensen doesn’t mean to murder anyone. That’s when he wishes he could keep his Siren blood from boiling and making him do things his human side can’t control.

He’s having a nice dinner night in his little apartment and next thing you know his date is taking the knife Jensen is using to cut some vegetables and slitting their own throats. A simple blink and they are gone, spilling blood all over his new carpet in what would look like a suicide for any forensic investigator.

Jensen knows better though, he knows it’s murder because it’s because of  _him_.

 _He_ makes them do that,  _his voice_  pushes them into delirious insanity that makes them want to kill themselves.

When he uses his voice the right way—and how it’s intended by his nature—it can be so lethal it causes immediate death. Like at the times when he picks up violent alcoholics that use their own kids as punching bags, takes them home and speaks to them in just the right decibels. Humans can’t sense the difference, that’s what makes it so effective.

It only takes a couple minutes before they have blood dripping from their ears while Jensen holds a pillow to their faces to muffle the screams and speed up the process. Not to mention that suffocation is the closest Jensen gets to actual drowning, the murdering method that his Siren blood enjoys the most for obvious reasons.

So Jensen knows he can use his voice to kill—maddening and almost instant, and for what he has seen in his victim’s eyes, a horrific and painful way to go— as much as he can use it to lure. The right tone and he has people eating out of his hand, agreeing to go to his place after only a couple minutes of casual chatting.

But of course it can also lure them into killing themselves when Jensen doesn’t even mean to.

He has a pretty good control of his mythological abilities after years and years of practicing and Jensen wouldn’t dare to live as part of a society if that wasn’t the case. He makes sure to use the  _luring_ for innocent advantage—like cutting the line at the supermarket when he’s in a hurry or to get new jobs when he moves to another city—and the he only uses his killing powers for when it’s strictly necessary.

Jensen swears on all the Greek Gods that he doesn’t kill his dates on purpose. _It just happens._

He tries to keep all the deadly rings out of his tone when he is working, outside his apartment pretending to be normal or  _especially_ when he’s trying to fall in love in the middle of a date. But it always ends up happening, no matter how careful Jensen is or how hard he tries. One way or another, his nature always ends up killing whoever gets too close or spends too much time with him.

And is not like he can go to the library or google tips to  _not accidentally kill your boyfriend during a date._ There’s no way to find a solution. All remaining Sirens on this world only live to murder and the few half-breeds that Jensen has ever met don’t have any intention to blend into human society as they have completely given in to their killing nature.

He doesn’t have the odds in his favor, so he should probably let go.

Only that Jensen is the only dumb fucker trying to make something  _normal_ out of his life.

“Thursdays are pretty boring, aren’t they?” Jensen feels a soft nudge by his ribs and he doesn’t need to turn around to know is Genevieve. He didn’t need her to speak at all, he heard her stroll into the bar ten minutes ago and already caught her usual citric perfume when she was two blocks away. He becomes good at picking up one someone’s scent when they’re around long enough.

His humans relationships never last that long, but Genevieve is a good exception. She’s his boss, and someone worth being especially careful with whenever he speaks to her. Jensen really doesn’t want her to hurt herself for spending too much time together at the bar. She’s pretty nice.

“Wouldn’t call them exactly boring.” Jensen hums, toweling off a glass while staring at nothing, not really caring for the amount of clients they have each night. The only reason he’s working there as a bartender is because picking people for either dating or killing purposes is pretty easy in this environment.

“We could drop dead to the ground on a thursday night and it would still be dull as fuck.”

 _‘Not if I behave myself’_  Jensen thinks as he gives Genevieve a little smile, making her snort and slap his arm before she hops off the bar and goes to get more ice.

She has always been really friendly with him for a reason Jensen doesn’t completely understand. Genevieve is sweet and caring, so he made a permanent note in his head to never consider her as a possible ‘kill or die’ resource since the day they meet; and as beautiful as she is, she’s not exactly Jensen’s type, so he has never considered dating her either.

Gen might be the closest thing he ever had to  a friend, and god knows Jensen has never been good at making those. And if this one friendship happened was all thanks to Genevieve.

Jensen never shares anything about his life at work, but Gen has always made sure to fill the silences with facts and little stories about herself, never caring how sometimes Jensen just nodded and didn’t say much in return, letting her talk and talk as much as she pleased.

 _“_ Mike, move your ass! I don’t pay you to sit around and sext Tom.”

Jensen chuckles as he hears Genevieve yell in the back of the bar, starting to pour some whiskey for himself. His poor boss got the place after her grandfather died, and Genevieve has always cursed her luck for getting guilt tripped into taking care of such a  _“_ shithole that barely makes enough money to pay for what we spend. And don’t laugh, Ackles! This place is a rat’s nest. _”_

She has a good heart though, as Jensen has always sensed when he’s around Genevieve; as much as she complains, she has worked hard to keep her grandfather’s shitty bar alive.

Jensen wishes he could understand that, the level of love that pushes you to do things you hate only because of the sentimental attachment you might have to someone. Most of his actions are born from personal necessity. He does what he needs to do, he acts for himself, he only makes sacrifices for things he wants or needs. That’s what he learned from his mother, and he can barely remember his dad.

He wonders if he would even be able to love that much when half of himself is incapable to feel a thing.

Maybe someday he will be lucky enough to take care of his own shitty bar because he loves someone that much.

Getting distracted by Genevieve bossing Mike around in the back and Mike complaining and cursing every two seconds can only last so long, and the bar has so little costumers that Jensen already served drinks to all of them. There’s nobody out of the ordinary that night, one quick look and a deep breath and Jensen knows there’s no luck. It’s gonna be another long night of re-arranging the bottles and maybe throwing out some of the guys sitting in the farthest corner when they get too drunk around midnight.

“If we only have the same ten fuckers around by 2 a.m., we’re closing early.” Genevieve snickers in his ear as she walks past him, pulling a smile out of Jensen.

He doesn’t get to comment he could kick everybody out and they could leave right then because a group of guys comes trampling in the bar and one especially loud laugh makes him turn around fast enough to make his neck crack painfully.

Jensen likes the sound.

It’s the first thing that appeals to him.  _All of him_. The full-body laugh that he would be able to hear across the bar even if he were a human.

Jensen has never heard someone laugh like that, even less in a place like this. _Who in their right mind would be so happy to be in such a shithole to begin with?_

The appearance comes second. Jensen is used to notice people for how they sound first, pure instinct really. He hears their voice and their heartbeat, the way they walk, how fast they breathe. Then comes the rest.  And he has to say with that guy,  _the res_ t it’s just as appealing.

Jensen gets distracted for a while, doesn’t even know where he’s supposed to begin, like a kid in a candy store turning to look at all the shelves, too overwhelmed and not knowing where exactly he should be stopping to stare.

 _Dimples. Moles. Smile._ There is too much, all at once, and Jensen likes it  _all_. How the guy sounds, how he looks, the way his heart is so fucking full of joy that is beating so fast Jensen can hear it over everyone else’s at the bar.

Apparently it’s not going to be such a waste of a night.

Luckily for Jensen, he knows how to play this part. He has practice flirting and picking up people, for one purpose or another, the point is that he’s good at it. He learned to use what humans like to call charm and also has some mythical seductive powers up his sleeve.

This is the easy part, the one he’s really good at.

Jensen keeps on working on little things as he waits for one of the guys in the loud group to come close enough to order their drinks. Again perks of being the bartender: everyone who gets in the bar has to end talking up to him at some point. Maybe he’ll get to talk to the attractive college boy when he hands them whatever they end up ordering.

Ten minutes is all Jensen needs to wait before  _Moles_  is right in front of him, sporting the same happy smile he did since he walked in the bar, hair a mess and the ugly shirt he’s wearing half tucked into his pants. Jensen thinks it’s kind of cute. Stupidly attractive cute.

“Hey man, how is it going? Can I have four beers, please?”

Jensen can detect the hint of a texan accent, but is not as clear as he’s used to hear while working in Dallas for the past five months. Maybe the guy is not from around here and he’s just picking up the accent without noticing.

“Sure thing. Coming right up.” Jensen nods, taking four glasses from beneath the bar without taking his eyes off of the other guy. “Are you guys from this neighborhood? Haven’t seen you before.”

“I wish.” The guy snorts. “If I lived in this neighborhood my life would be much easier, so don’t rub it in.” He ends with a joke, smiling at Jensen even if what he’s saying is kind of depressing. The bar isn’t exactly located at any of the nice parts of Dallas. Not even at a decent one.  “The bar we used to go to shut down last week so we’re trying our luck here.”

“Yeah, because the decadent look of this place is so appealing, I’m sure you’re not going to regret that decision.” Jensen jokes in return, making the guy throw his head back and laugh a little too hard again. Jensen is smug about it immediately.

“Hey, it’s not so bad. You should see my apartment.”

“We’re talking for five seconds and you already pointed out your place twice, is there something you’re trying to tell me here?”

“Yeah. Let’s move in together, our relationship can handle it. I think it’s time.” He giggles before taking one of the beers and taking a long sip, leaving a foam mustache on his upper lip.

Jensen officially likes this guy.

There’s the obvious appeal nobody can deny: sweet, cute, handsome. And then you have the parts that only speaks to  _him_. His scent, his voice, the sound of his blood running; it’s like music to Jensen’s ears. Humans think it’s all the same, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. It’s different for each person and changes depending on who they are. Some heartbeats can make Jensen’s teeth hurt while other sound so peaceful he wishes he could reach over and feel the pulse with his fingertips.

The sound of Jared’s heart is enough to tell him he’s a good guy. They are off to a good start.

“Alright, but I’m afraid we’ll have to share my bed.” Jensen leans in, suddenly getting into the guy’s personal space without any warning. To his surprise, the guy widens his eyes before blushing profusely. He even chokes on his sip of beer.  _Aw, cute_. And here Jensen thought that kind of shyness was completely lost to humanity.

“ _Oh—uh_. You’re...flirting with me?” The guy tucks some of his hair behind his right ear, leaving his hand there for a second after recovering from his coughing fit. He seems confused, which kind of baffles Jensen. Wasn’t that what they were doing since the start of the conversation?  “Or being a dick because of my moving in joke. Sorry if that was too much.”

“I try to not be a dick when I’m flirting.” Jensen shrugs, taking a deep breath now that they are so close. He smells good. Sweet and citric. “It’s counterproductive, you know?”

The guy gives him another widely surprised face, like he can’t believe that is happening right now. Shit just keeps getting better, this kid is  _actually_ embarrassed.

“Well, yeah. I mean... _I don’t—_ ” 

 _“_ Jared! _”_  A blond guy shouts from the sofas, waving a hand in the air, as if the bar was  _oh so crowded_  that he wouldn’t see him otherwise. The guy sounds like a douche, but at least Jensen knows Jared’s name now. “What the fuck is taking you so long? Get over here dude!”

Jared turns back to face Jensen with the same confused expression, nibbling on his bottom lip and holding his breath.  _“_ Coming, Chad! _”_ He shouts in return after a second, breaking eye contact with Jensen and completely giving up on staying at the bar to flirt with him.

Jensen curses in his head as he sees Jared scramble to take the four glasses with him, wondering where exactly he fucked up. _Supposed to be good at this part his ass._  He might not even see this Jared guy again after tonight, they are not regulars at the bar and they could easily decide to never come back. Jensen wouldn’t blame them, this is not exactly the hottest place in the city.

He’s not sure what exactly pushes him to do it: Jared turning around to leave, the idea of not getting to know the only person he has felt immediate attraction to in a while or realizing he enjoyed talking with Jared four seconds more than he has enjoyed his past month chatting with random stranger for hours right there at his job. Maybe is the combination of it all, but before Jared can walk away from the bar, Jensen leans forward and grabs his right arm, making him stop.

“Would you give me your number?”

It’s certainly the fastest he has ever invited someone out. Someone he means to  _actually_ date. Jensen likes to take his time when he’s trying to go out with someone for real, after all if he’s going against this entire nature by trying to find love, he might as well do it right.

This doesn’t exactly look like “doing it right” though. It’s sloppy and doesn’t make much sense, they haven’t really had a conversation that lasted more than five minutes and this kid doesn’t even know his name.

Maybe that’s what makes Jensen use some of those annoying Siren qualities when he repeats the question, changing something in his voice that Jared won’t be able to notice. Jensen knows that’s kind of unfair, slipping hints of his powers in the question to seduce Jared to say yes. Usually he wouldn’t do this to a date,  _honestly_ , but he really wants Jared’s number and it doesn’t look like he will get a second chance.

“Would you mind giving me your number _?_ ” Jensen repeats, softer and a little deeper than before. “Maybe we could get a drink together sometime, you know, without me being the bartender. Probably someplace nicer, too.”

Jared just stares back at him, same surprised expression he has had glued to his face since he found out that Jensen has been flirting back with him for real.

Jensen holds his smile to not look too cocky as he tries to remember if he has a pen on himself to write down the number when Jared gives in. He has to admit is not as fun to get someone to agree to go out with him when he uses the advantage of his mythical powers, but is still worth if it means seeing Jared again.

“Maybe some other time.”

Jensen blinks, squeezing Jared’s arms harder without realizing.

 _What?_ No, no, no. He probably heard wrong, there’s no way Jared just said  _no_. And not because Jensen’s some kind of egocentric motherfucker who thinks he can get anyone he wants but because  _he used his powers on him._  Nobody can resist his voice. Nobody can resist a Siren when they want to attract someone.

That’s their entire murderous talent right there.

“Other time?” Jensen repeats, looking Jared in the eye. Maybe he didn’t use enough mojo the first time, so he gives it another shot. “Are you sure _?_ ”

Jared smiles in return, but it’s not the slow blink Jensen gets from people who get charmed by his powers. This is a real smile.

“Not used to get negatives when you look like that, huh?”

Jensen pulls back, letting go of Jared’s arm now that he said no twice. He doesn’t want to be pushy or a creep.

He also doesn’t have an answer to that question—which is flattering because of what implies—too surprised by the fact that  _it simply didn’t work._  As if Jared has some kind of invisible protection around him that makes the sound of Jensen’s voice pass right over him without affecting him at all. 

Jensen is over two thousand years old and this has never happened before.

He hasn’t met anybody even a little bit immune to a Siren’s voice, unless Jared is some kind of creature himself, a thing that Jensen would be able to sense too if that was the case.

Jared is a human like everybody else in the bar.

Jensen watches him leave without saying anything else, too many question clouding his head and Jared’s heartbeat pounding in his ears even louder than before.

 

 

—

 

 

Jensen being a fan of Greek mythology is an understatement. That’s the only place where Jensen can find stories and descriptions about his species, even if it’s treated as fantasy. It’s better than nothing. He finds some level of comfort in reading old stories about sailors’ first encounters with Sirens and their particular descriptions of how they looked and why they wanted to kill them.

Not all books are accurate of course, once Jensen even found one that said Sirens could turn themselves into sharks. Right. He _wishes_.

Most of them get the general information right, they all say Sirens kill to live and they all say their voice can make people go mad. It’s touch and go from there. Some authors get closer to reality in their descriptions and Jensen’s favorite book touches the subject about Sirens being able to procreate with humans for two whole pages. That’s the closest he’s ever got to finding more information about  _what_ he is, but it’s still pretty far fetched.

Jensen has a pretty big collection after years of looking and collecting folklore books, bestiaries and mythological sagas. He has read them all at least twice, always looking for any extra information that can help him with his little murdering troubles,  _anything_ that can indicate he can stop killing people when he’s trying to find someone to be with.

There’s an entire room in his apartment that has nothing but bookshelves to fit all the books he can’t put in his living room.

That week, Jensen checks them all.

He reads for seven days straight, looking for the words  _immune_  or  _exception_  between the thousand fictional stories about humans meeting with Sirens. Stopping to go to work or to sleep seems like a bother every time he has to do it as he’s too engrossed in the idea that he might not be completely lethal for someone out there.

 _Is it only Jared?_ Maybe there’s more people who will never get affected by Jensen. Something in their DNA. Their ancestors maybe had an encounter with a Siren and could escape, leaving the chance of developing some kind of immunity for next generations.

Everyone Jensen touches ends dead one way or another.

All this time, a big part of him thought he was completely out of his mind for trying to settle down and be more like a human. But maybe he was trying to be with the wrong person all along.

If the exception exists, then it’s out there for Jensen to find.

Now he can only hope _his_ exception comes back to the bar sometime.

He was clearly too much when he insisted to get a date with Jared, scared the poor kid away, and in that moment he didn’t even know Jared was immune to his Siren genes. Maybe there was something deep inside of him that could sense it: the human side of himself wanting to cling to the only person who could be with him.  _Maybe Jared and him were meant to be._

“Fuck, getting a little too intense over there, Ackles.” Jensen rolls his eyes to himself, shaking his head as he keeps cleaning the bar after a drunk asshole spilled an entire bottle of tequila all over the counter.

He’s obviously excited about the idea of not being lethal to the entire world population but getting idiotic  _happy ever after_  and  _for each othe_ r ideas is worthless. He was so attracted to Jared because he’s fucking good looking and pretty nice to be around.

There was no ulterior motive and definitely no mating call inside of him longing for someone Jensen could never hurt.

It was basic attraction and a big coincidence.

He needed to get his head out of his ass already, considering he might never see Jared again.

But being wrong is starting to be something usual for him because against all odds, Jared does come back to the bar the next thursday night with the same friends and the same dimpled smile that has haunted Jensen non stop for days.

This time Jensen doesn’t do anything though.

He considers it for a while and decides that if he pushes any harder then he will definitely scare the kid to never show his face around his shitty bar ever again. Jensen doesn’t want to test his luck now that he has a second chance, so he tells Mike he’s not feeling good and that he’ll work in the back, organizing the drinks and doing all the boring stuff Genevieve usually throws at him if Mike covers his bartender job.

He slips into Genevieve’s office before anybody from Jared’s group of friends can come close to ask for drinks.

But no matter where Jensen goes, he can still smell Jared’s citric scent out there.

This would be much easier if Jared wasn’t so damn tempting.

Jensen makes it through the night by ironically getting a real headache from burning all the incense he finds in Genevieve’s desk, filling the room with different smells until it’s impossible for him to detect Jared in the air. He also puts on his headphones and listens to music at the maximum volume, hurting his ears in the process but completely neutralizing the sounds of Jared’s beating heart.

His sudden deep interest in this guy is starting to be too much, Jensen needs to give himself a break. Jared being immune doesn’t make him  _the one_ , and being that into someone he barely knows is stupid from every angle he analyses it. 

Maybe he shouldn’t do anything at all. Getting close to someone he’s  _that_ curious about can’t end well; not when Jensen is who he is.

Genevieve gives him a weird look when she walks in her office at three in the morning, covering her nose and smacking Jensen in the back of the head.

“You’re  _banned_ from the back of this bar. I’d rather have Mike complaining than you turning this place into some kind of scented candle store.  _How can you even breathe in here?_ ” She starts coughing and smacks Jensen again when he laughs at her distress, pushing him out of her chair and sending him home and out of her sight before she does real damage to him.

Jensen thinks is sweet that Genevieve thinks she can hurt him. He would even pretend to be in pain for her.

“Your job sucks.” Is the first thing Mike spits at him when Jensen walks to the front of the little bar, pointing at him and looking betrayed. “I thought being bartender was fun but I ended telling off like five guys tonight and almost punched one.  _Everybody's_ an  _asshole_ when you’re serving them.”

“Welcome to the real world.” Jensen smirks, somehow pleased to hear not only his night was a complete boost. “Customer service jobs are a pain in the ass.Because humans are assholes _.”_

Mike snorts, giving him a funny look. “Humans are assholes? And what are you then, some kind of superior and polite alien?”

Jensen bites his tongue, looking down and pretending to not hear Mike’s comment.

Way to keep his thoughts to himself. After a short and awkward silence with Jensen pretending to fix the zipper of his jacket at a lack of a good way to explain what he meant, Mike simply sighs and lets go of the topic, leaning against the counter.

“Anyway, you might want to know one of the customers was asking for you.” Mike snaps his fingers in the air, trying to remember more details. “ _Jimmy, Jason, Jackson—_ ”

“Jared?” Jensen offers, snapping his eyes back up and feeling an strange hopeful tingle in the base of his stomach.

“Yeah! Jared!” Mike snaps his fingers one last time, getting close to pat Jensen’s shoulder. “He even referred to you as the  _hot bartender from last week_ when I pretended to not know what he was talking about. Nice one, Jenny.”

For what Mike keeps telling him as they walk to the bus station, Jared didn’t say much, he only wanted to know if Jensen was around working that night. He didn’t leave any message for him and Mike informs him he told Jared his name.

Apparently Jensen didn’t scare Jared off like he thought. Maybe he changed his mind about giving Jensen his number and going out on a date.

But Jensen is not so sure anymore if giving into his new interest for Jared is the best idea. Not after how intensely his senses focused on the guy that night.

That has definitely never happened before either.

 

 

—

 

 

The third time Jared walks in the bar, Jensen has no way to run and hide. 

This is all new territory for him since he usually doesn’t hide from humans. He doesn’t hide from anyone or anything. He doesn’t need to. Jensen can walk back to his home at three in the morning from one of the worst neighborhood in Dallas and know nothing is going to happen to him.  _Sirens are what people should run from. (_ I would maybe say: In this world, people run from him.)

And yet Jensen has been hiding from a kid who can’t be more than twenty four and looks like he doesn’t know how to throw a punch to save his life.

 Now he can’t go to the back of the bar and ask Mike to swap jobs with him. Genevieve made very clear she had enough of Jensen and his weird behavior in her office along with Mike threatening clients. Jensen understands where she’s coming from, he just wishes his boss could understand that keeping a killer creature away from other people is the smart thing to do when said creature develops a weird connection with a pretty client.

At this point Jensen only knows for sure that one: there’s no evidence of humans developing immunity to Siren powers before which makes Jared one of a kind; and two: for some reason that special something in Jared has made his entire senses be more attracted to the kid than he has ever been to another human.

It sounds ridiculous, but his Siren  _likes_  it _._

The cold blooded, dangerous killer part of himself likes that Jared is immune. _Jensen can feel_  it. Even the most rotten parts of himself think Jared is interesting and different and it _likes him._  Siren and human, both sides are into Jared.

Jensen knows how it feels when his inner Siren focuses on someone to kill. It’s the usual, like a hound chasing for its prey. He can sense them, smell them, know when they are scared or nervous. It’s all familiar for him now.

But Jensen has never experienced the monster inside of him focusing on a human because it  _likes_ them _._

“Damn, if you stare at him any harder he’s gonna burst into flames.” Genevieve suddenly comments, surprising Jensen enough to make him drop the glass he was cleaning. They both jump away from the broken pieces on the floor at the same time Jensen answers defensively.

“I can’t do that!” he almost snaps, offended for a split second. _‘I can do a lot of fucked up shit but I can’t burn people!’_ Jensen adds only in his head _—thankfully—_ still confused by the fact that his boss managed to sneak up on him because he was too distracted staring at Jared.

Genevieve laughs, throwing her head back before she kicks some of the broken glasses in Jensen’s direction. “ _I know_  you can’t make others burst into flames, you fucking weirdo. Have you been banging your head on the counter in between looking at that guy?”

Jensen huffs bitterly, leaning down to pick up the big pieces of glass. He really doesn’t like the idea of Jared distracting him enough to make all his senses focus on  _him_ and not let Jensen feel anybody else around.

“Aren’t you in a mood today.” Gen giggles, crossing her arms over her chest while she helps Jensen gather the broken glass with her foot. “It was just a joke, you know? Go talk to him.”

“No, thanks.” Jensen mumbles back in a cranky voice without looking up. He knows he probably should; Jared asked about him last week and it seems like tonight he could have a chance. But at the same time he’s not completely sure if giving into something he likes  _so much_  already will turn out to be the right thing. That can’t be good when you’re a mythological murdering freak.

“Dating is not so horrible and I haven’t seen you date anybody since you started to work here.” Genevieve hums, tapping her chin. “I have seen you leave with people sometime, but I’m guessing they were one-night stands, right? I never saw them around again.”

Jensen licks his lips, slow and deliberate. That’s because they are all dead _._  And currently buried in different parts of the city.

One night-standis the twenty-first century excuse that lets Jensen leave with strangers and never mention them again. He wishes murdering pariahs was this easy years ago.

But it also seems like Genevieve has been paying more attention to him than Jensen imagined. His other bosses have never cared what he did with his personal life.

“I know you moved here from Austin like two years ago, have you dated anybody around here since then?”

 _No_. The last one was two years and a couple weeks ago. The reason why Jensen packed his things and left for a new life in Dallas in the first place. It was a girl, and it was nothing too serious yet, but she was nice to be around.She was sweet _._  Jensen still remembers that. She was really considerate and sweet.

And she jumped from Jensen’s fifth floor apartment in the middle of the night.

Out of nowhere, without any more explanation than the other people Jensen tried to date and ended dead. He did it; his voice did. Without intention of course, but still Jensen’s fault on a certain level.

She broke most bones in her body and cracked her skull, dying in the second her head touched the ground.

A fast and horribly painful way to go.

He has moved every time someone he tried to date ended dead. Is not the same as when he kills people to survive, has never been. When his Siren blood needs to murder, Jensen goes after assholes he doesn’t know and who don’t represent any real loss to the world. His past dates are different. Jensen knew them, shared a bond/connection with them. Made them laugh, made them smile, tasted their lips through long kisses while hoping they would be the one.

Staying around after someone he had feelings for—that might have never been actual love, but Jensen still cared about them— ended up dead by his fault always seemed something hard to face.

Like a constant reminder that Jensen was incapable to try to love someone without hurting them in the end.

“God, I’m being too nosy about it, right? It’s none of my business.” Genevieve’s voice makes Jensen look back up at her, surprised to find a guilty expression on her face. “Look, maybe you’re not a relationship kind of guy, which I get it if it’s the case. But I never see you do anything but work. You never bring anybody around like Mike and I do, I never hear you say you have plans or are going out with friends—maybe you could ask him out. Mike said he was asking for you last week.”

Of course Mike couldn’t keep his mouth shut about it.

“I already asked him out and he said no.”

“And I bet you were a cocky ass about it.” Gen snickers, making Jensen roll his eyes. “All guys are cocky asses about it the first time. Do it again, and  _be nice_.”

“I’m  _always_ nice.”

“Then be nicer.” She grabs Jensen by the back of his shirt, dragging him back up and snatching the pieces of glass Jensen is using as excuse to stay right behind the bar. “He’s cute, you’re hot. He was asking for you and you’re looking at him like the sun is shining out of his ass. Go do something about it, Ackles.”

Genevieve shoves him out of the way, declaring she’s gonna pick up the glass Jensen broke and doesn’t want to see his face around anymore when she’s back with a broom.

Jensen huffs, angry that he can’t argue back with the fact that dating people for him doesn’t end well. His number of dead ex-boyfriends and girlfriends confirms it.

He turns to look at Jared’s group in that moment, only to find that Jared has been staring at him this whole time. He jumps when he realizes Jensen caught him, turning around and pretending to talk to the blonde douchebag friend who was with him the last time.

Jensen is pleased to find he can hear Jared’s heart beating out of control after that.

Well, Jared  _is_ immune after all. Asking him out a second time wouldn’t kill him.  _Literally_.

Deep down he’s still worried that giving into something  _that_ tempting might not be the best idea he has ever had considering who he is, but apparently there’s no way this can end in death and endless guilt, which has been the usual for Jensen’s past relationships. What’s the worst that can happen? Jared says no or things won’t work out. Jensen will be disappointed that his only chance to be with someone he can’t hurt at all is gone but Jared will be able to keep living and find someone to be happy with.

Sounds better than all his other so called break ups.

He decides to do something simple, taking the same brand of beer Jared ordered last time they spoke to each other and jumping over the counter, walking in Jared’s direction before he changes his mind and ends quitting his job to never have the temptation of seeing him again.

“Hey, Jared.” Jensen taps his shoulder, happy to see the boy’s smile up close one more time when he turns around. Jensen hands him the beer, taking from Jared’s hand the empty bottle he has been nursing for almost twenty minutes.

“I didn’t—” Jared frowns, looking down at the full bottle and back at Jensen, licking his lips slowly. Jensen swallows, trying really hard to not follow the movement with his eyes. “This is— _I didn’t order anything else._ ”

“I know, it’s on the house.” Jensen shrugs, proud of himself about how nonchalant he’s acting. Way better than the night he met Jared. Not entirely his fault though, he was kind of desperate to get a date with someone that good looking.

“Why?” Jared squints, as if getting a free drink is such a big deal.

“You should be used to people inviting you drinks when you look like that, huh?”

He’s not sure if it’s mean to throw a phrase that sounds like he said to Jensen before right back Jared, but his reaction makes it worth it. He can hear Jared’s heart start to beat faster as well as his breath speeding up. It takes barely a few seconds for Jared’s cheeks to turn red and Jensen swears he can almost sense Jared’s blood vessels opening wide, flooding his face’s skin with heat.

The most rewarding part of it is knowing that Jared is blushing because of  _him_. Not his powers, not the Siren’s charm. It’s all  _Jensen_.

An it’s kind of flattering the more he sees Jared look down and hide his eyes behind his long bangs.

No wonder humans get so excited whenever they score with someone.

“Anyway, I hope you enjoy your night.”

Jensen turns on his heels to go back to the counter, pretending he has tons of things to do and he’s too busy to stay around when the place is not even that packed. Doesn’t matter. He already tried going for Jared once, so he’s stating he’s still interested but is not gonna push Jared for a date again. Whatever happens from now on, will be because Jared wants it to happen as well.

He’s about to get to the counter when he hears Jared walking towards him, ears catching on Jared’s steps as it has been doing for weeks now. Jensen almost feels relieved when Jared’s warm hand reaches for his shoulder, making him stop.

“Jensen, hey—” Jared hums. When Jensen turns, he finds Jared nibbling on his bottom lip nervously, fingers gripping the beer Jensen just handed him a little too tight. “Are you serious, about this?” He whispers, eyes dropping. It’s the complete opposite from the happy and overly excited guy Jensen has stared at from behind the counter a week ago, as if there’s a switch in the back of Jared’s head that just clicked. Jared’s not confident or smiley any more. He even seems a little smaller. “ _About me?”_  Jared corrects before Jensen can answer, fingers dancing on the bottle.

Jensen frowns, hearing Jared’s heart slow down, his usual scent changing in the air. Jensen knows that smell. Humans produce more levels of hyperglycemia in their blood when they feel fear.  _Jared is scared_.

It’s right there, a tiny bit, almost unnoticeable amount of fear. Jensen wonders if Jared even realizes he’s feeling it. Maybe it’s involuntarily.

It can’t be because of him though. Humans only get scared of him in their last seconds of their lives, when they realize Jensen is some kind of monster and about to murder them. And Jared is never going to see that side of him anyway.

“Why wouldn’t I be serious?” Jensen gives him a little smile, trying to do something to reassure Jared he doesn’t need to be scared at all. Whatever it is Jared is afraid of.

“Well, you see, sometimes people ask me out as a joke.” Jared mumbles, taking a deep breath before he tucks his hair behind his ear, rubbing the back of his neck for a moment. “And the first night I thought you were too, we had been talking for like ten seconds and you just went for it so I thought—”

“Because you’re gorgeous.” Jensen clarifies, shrugging, trying to keep a friendly face even if he doesn't feel it that much anymore. Why would anybody ask Jare out as a joke? Jensen is not a stranger to people being complete pieces of shit, but Jared seems too nice for that kind of crap.

_This is why Jensen doesn’t feel bad about killing assholes, they deserve it if they pull dick moves on others._

“I’m sorry about any dick who ever did that to you, Jared, but I do mean it. And I couldn’t help it before because well, look at you _._  You got to my head and I really wanted to ask you out right away. I didn’t know if you were ever coming back to the bar.”

Honestly is the best policy or something like that, and right now, Jared seems like he could use some of it.

“Really?” Jared looks up once again, looking a little less stressed. Something in Jensen’s speech probably hit the jackpot. When Jensen notices a slight blush, he guesses what part got to him the most.

“Really.”

Jensen nods, moving his hand to cup Jared’s face before he can think twice. He tilts Jared’s face up so he can actually see him in the eye, brushing the bangs out of his forehead before sliding his thumb over his right cheek, following the dip of his dimple. Jared’s skin heats up under his touch, soft and delicate, just how Jensen imagine it would feel.

“And you can move in with me and all if your place is really such a dump.”

That pulls a spontaneous laugh out of Jared, who throws his head back and starts cackling. Jensen smirks, pleased with himself for making him relax with his joke and enjoying the ring of Jared’s laugh in his ears a little more than he should.

 

 

—

 

 

Their first dates end up being at Genevieve’s bar every thursday night after Jared’s community college classes.

Jensen thought that trying something not that serious would help the boy relax and feel less intimated about the whole situation and it seems like it worked. Jared looked grateful about it when Jensen brought it up, and even if he came along with his friends a couple of times,  _especially_ Chad. And while Jensen is still trying to understand how Jared can call someone so utterly confusing and  _annoying_ his best friend Jared ended up feeling comfortable enough around Jensen to come around alone and stay, talking with him until it was time to close the bar.

“I should have dated a bartender ages ago.” Jared snickers, sipping on his second margarita and making eyes at Jensen. “Free drinks every night, what a treat.”

“Only the best for my date.” Jensen jokes in return, ignoring the possessive roar in the middle of his chest. Apparently the monster in him really likes the idea of calling Jared  _his_.

Especially when Jared laughs and blushes in return, never calling him out for his possessiveness.

“Free drinks my ass.” Genevieve snaps, jumping over the counter and smacking Jensen against the back of his head. “I’m taking every single one of those out of your paycheck, Ackles.”

Jared widens his eyes comically, sitting straight on the bar stool and looking for his wallet in the back of his old jeans.

“No, no! Please don’t, I’ll pay for them!”

“No you won’t.” Jensen points at Jared, flicking his nose and moving his hand away before Jared can smack him in return. “This is the equivalent of me paying for your drinks in any other bar, so sit there and drink your margarita while I deal with my boss, Jay.” Then he turns to Genevieve, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head in fake disappointment. “Are you happy? You scared the kid.”

 _“_ Not a kid.” Jared mumbles from behind his glass, sliding his driver’s licence over the counter in Genevieve’s direction, but they both move their hands in the air, ignoring his protests.

“Well, maybe you should take the kid on an actual date. This place is just depressing for you two love birds.”

“Is called  _‘_ taking it slow’. Ever heard of it?”

Jared huffs  _‘_ not a kid _’_  again, taking his licence now that nobody bothers to take a moment to look at it to notice that he’s twenty one,  _thank you very much._

“Taking it slow, woah. He must really like you.” Genevieve suddenly turns to Jared, giving him a big smile and a wink. “Jensen Hook-Up Ackles is actually dating someone. My, my _._  Let me call the papers, my bartender must be in love.”

Jared chokes on his margarita, starting to laugh when Jensen actually  _flushes_ at Genevieve’s comment, smacking her with the towel he was using to clean the counter and making her leave already. He shoos her to her office while thanking her for the unsolicited comments.

“Maybe I’m starting to see the downside of having dates here.” Jensen rolls his eyes, rubbing his forehead with his hand. “Next thing you know Mike will appear asking you to marry me.”

“Hey, I like them. You should see the shit Chad wants to say around you.”

“You mean worse than what he already does?”

Jared gives him the finger after smacking his shoulder. Jensen thinks he’s sweet even when he’s trying to be a brat.

“So, Jensen Hook-Up Ackles, huh? Doesn’t feel like we’re much of a hook up so far. Four dates and all we have done is  _talk_ ing, ” Jared mocks, playing with the glass in front of him. Talkabout this and that, nothing too important. Jensen knows basic things about Jared and has told him the exact amount of information to keep it simple.

He doesn’t mind, Jensen enjoys learning every new little piece about the boy. What makes Jared who he is, what made him grow into the man he’s now. Jensen wants to learn it all, from the time he broke his ankle after betting with his big brother he could jump from his bedroom window to the reason why he’s a Cowboys fan. He hoards all the details in the back of his head like a personal treasure Jared is willing to share with him.

Humans are not that bad. Can’t be when Jared is one of them.

“I’m not going to lie to you, I’m more of a one-night stand kind of person. Relationships never seem work for me.” It’s not a lie, but is also not entirely true. Jensen uses one-night stands as excuses to murder. Relationships don’t work because his past couples kill themselves when they are around him for too long.Still, Jensen isn’t exactly  _lying._

“Then why did you ask me out?” Jared asks, leaning forward with a little smile. He most likely knows the answer by now, but still wants to hear Jensen say it.

“I couldn’t help myself.” Jensen delivers just as Jared expected, his fingers brushing Jared#s face. His powers still don’t work on Jared, that’s a fact. Jensen tried for another two times, just to be sure. Jared is completely immune. “No matter how much I suck with relationships, I still wanted to give it a try when I saw you.”

There is no lie in there. No practical skips. Siren or not, that part will never not be true.

Jared looks down, hiding his eyes under his bangs as he nibbles on his lower lip and tries to hide a smile, clearly charmed.

“You’re all sweet talk, no action.” he teases in return, trying to look like he’s not swooning from Jensen’s answer. He can’t hide the rapid heartbeat and heavy breathing from him though, but Jared doesn’t know that.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t know our dates were  _so_ boring for you, Jay.”

Jared looks up immediately, just as Jensen expected, guilt drawing on his face and an apology ready on the tip of his tongue. Sometimes Jensen can’t believe how endearing Jared can be. Jensen cups his face with both hands, pressing their lips together before Jared can say anything. He feels him melt in his hands as Jared opens his mouth, drowning a little gasp in Jensen’s lips.

As it turns out, Jared tastes even sweeter than he smells.

 

 

—

 

 

“You didn’t tell me you were  _rich_ , Ackles.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, closing the door of his apartment after Jared walks in. He ruffles the boy’s brown hair as he walks past him, going to the living room. Jensen might have cleaned a little bit before bringing Jared over, but that was just because he wanted to make a good impression. It’s been awhile since Jensen brought someone to his place to do things like watch movies and snuggle on the couch instead of his mythical murder-nights.

This is their first date outside of the bar too, so this should be a big deal.

“I seriously doubt that two rooms, one small bathroom and what looks like a kitchen and a living room mashed together is considered  _rich_. I do what I can, but hey, make yourself at home, Jay.”

Jared doesn’t have enough money. He left his home when he turned eighteen, tired of dealing with his dad and a new stepmom every week. The old man would drink too much, get too high and Jared wouldn’t have anything to eat for days because all the money they had left would be spent on pot and prostitutes.

Now he did what he could with half a scholarship at a community college, working at the library three times a week and living in a rented studio apartment in the worst part of the city.

Sometimes he didn’t have money to eat or get the bus, so he had to walk to classes and back home with an empty stomach just to be able to pay for rent.

Jensen has been cooking lunch for him during the weekends and packing it in boxes so Jared can stuff his fridge since he found out, right after getting the kid a damn bus card.

Jared says Jensen doesn’t have to cook every single time, but Jensen thinks seeing him smile says the contrary and makes it worth it.

“I can’t believe you didn’t bring me sooner.” Jared pushes him jokingly, right before his eyes land on Jensen’s rather huge collection of books and his face just lights up. “Oh God! Look at all those goodies! If you let me read them all you’re officially forgiven.”

Jensen tilts his head towards the bookshelfs before giving a little nod, snorting when Jared runs past him to go check the titles. Jensen doesn’t really consider himself a bookworm, he collects them mostly out of necessity and to satisfy the need to know something more about himself. Reading about Sirens always made him feel a little less lonely and the written theory that Sirens kill because they had to was like a silent reassurance that Jensen didn’t have a choice.

“You’re not gonna find much variety there, I have very specific taste for books.” He even has a couple of them twice. Sometimes he gets too excited to find a book about his nature, just to then figure out he has already bought that book around twenty years ago. The downside of being partially immortal he figures.

When he returns to the living room ten minutes later with a cup of coffee, he finds Jared sitting on the floor with three different books on his lap. One of them is Jensen’s favorite, the one that mentions the possibility of Sirens breeding with humans and birthing half-blooded freaks like him. He smiles at it, somehow pleased that Jared chose a book that gives Jensen comfort.

“Why are so many of them in Greek?” Jared inquires, turning his head towards Jensen while he examines the cover of a fourth book.

“Because I’m from Greece.” Jensen shrugs, taking a long sip of his dark coffee. 

“ _What?_ ” Jared squeaks, looking up at him in pure awe.  _Oh, shit, that’s right_. “You told me you were from Texas!”

Getting his human life mixed up with his Siren life gets tricky with little details like this one. Usually Jensen is good at keeping track of what he’s supposed to say about his origins, but getting comfortable around Jared is so easy.  _It distracts him._

“Well, I was born in Greece but then moved here when I was still young. Sometimes I forget I wasn’t actually born in Texas.” He tries to explain, changing some little details. For his species, being around twenty three—when Jensen decided to start living on his own as human—is still considered young, so it should count as half the truth. “My mother is from there, lived her whole life at the coasts of Greece. She taught me the language.”

Jared nods as he listens to Jensen talk about it, fingers touching the title in Greek, looking actually impressed. None of his past lovers ever wondered why Jensen had books in Greek, they weren’t that interested, even less about Jensen speaking the language.

“That’s amazing.” Jared comments after a while “It looks really hard to read, too.You’re amazing.”

Jensen never thought of it as a big deal. He knew Greek because his mother and all the other Sirens spoke Greek with him since he was a baby. It was just something else about him he never paid much attention, never even mentioned it when he first started looking for jobs. For him knowing Greek was like knowing how to break someone’s neck. He always related it to the Siren part of his life, the one that is fucked up and should never be mentioned.

But maybe knowing Greek isn’t that bad. He could start mentioning it more often.

Jared gives him a full dimpled smile, looking at him with something that could only be describe as pride in his eyes, as if Jensen just told him he takes care of puppies for a living. Jared seems to like so many things about him, things Jensen never gave a shit about.

Sometimes he almost likes himself a little bit more when Jared looks at him like that.

He sits on the couch, letting Jared have fun with his books, watching him fill his lap with them and read some random pages. Jensen enjoys doing nothing around Jared, simply staring at him doing whatever he wants. It calms something inside of him down.

It’s not until Jensen has finished most of his cup of coffee with little sips that he notices something shining through Jared’s hair, catching his attention. He squints, wondering is he has a hair pin or maybe a piercing he never mentioned before, paying more attention every time Jared shifts or fixes his hair. Jensen is about to ask when Jared turns his head to ask if all his books are about greek history and mythology, hair moving behind his ear and giving Jensen a clear view of what piked his curiosity.

“You’re deaf!” Jensen blurts out, plain and simple and very insensitive, watching Jared’s smile disappearing from his face as he quickly covers the hearing aid with his hair and looks away.

That’s it. That’s why Jensen’s powers don’t work on him. All Jensen can do, from pushing people do what he wants to luring them into painful deaths, it’s all because of his voice. Jared needing something to hear better or hear at all must be the reason why he seems to be immune to what Jensen is.

“I’m not deaf.” Jared huffs, turning his back on Jensen as he keeps turning pages. “I have been listening to you so far and answering just fine, haven’t I?”

Jensen can hear Jared’s jaw closing a little to hard, his heartbeat going crazy.

“Yeah, but…I mean, the hearing aid—”

“I have two of them.” Jared snaps, turning to look at him and tucking his hair behind his left ear to show a hearing aid that looks exactly like the one Jensen discovered by accident. He turns around once more, crossing his arms. “And I have severe hearing loss, but the hearing aids help and I can also read lips pretty well. Happy now or should I bring you my entire medical record?”

It’s the first time Jensen heard Jared actually get _mad_. From the change in his tone of voice to his movements, muscles tense and jaw tightly closed when he’s not talking. He’s not facing Jensen either.

This is why Jared was always fixing his hair and tucking it behind his ears the first time they talked at the bar. He was actually moving the volume in the hearing aids, trying to hear Jensen better since the place was probably too dark for him to read his lips that well.

Jensen is not sure what part of it all makes Jared immune. Maybe what is damaged of Jared and affects his hearing is the exact part that his Siren powers would usually affect, maybe his hearing aids change something in the frequence of his voice when it travels through particles inside the device. Maybe it’s because Jared focuses more on the movement of his lips instead of the sound of his voice, so his brain doesn’t feel the effect because is not paying attention to it.

Whatever it is, now Jensen has part of the reason.

 _Oh God_. He can’t believe  _that’s_ the reason. Thousand of years of no record whatsoever of anyone resisting Siren’s killing powers and Jared does because he has a hearing problem? The Siren in him is a little offended, pride weirdly wounded, while the human _—Jensen—_ couldn’t care less about the reason as long as he never hurts Jared.

“No, of course not. I’m sorry, I’m being pretty insensitive about it and I—”

“Having a level of deafness doesn’t change anything, you know? I’m the same person you have been talking to at the bar. And I can understand you just  _fine_.” Jared’s almost hissing now, closing all the books and leaving them on the floor, getting back on his feet but not facing Jensen yet. “I don’t need you feeling bad for me or thinking I’m some kind of charity work and that you have to treat me different now. The last thing I fucking want is you feeling  _pity_ for me, Jensen.”

“Woah, woah, woah.” Jensen jumps out of the couch. He grabs Jared by the shoulder, forcing him to turn around. “Where is this coming from?”

“For around twenty years people are mocking me or think it’s sad to tell the deaf kid they are not really my friends, Don’t even like me because,  _ouch_ , he already has it hard!” Jared huffs again, finally looking Jensen back in the eye. He’s trying to hold his tears. “You can’t tell Jared the captain of the football team is only taking him to prom because he lost a bet and had to ask out the weirdo with hearing aids as punishment. Don’t speak to Padalecki, you need to do it slowly because he’s stupid but says it’s because he needs to read your lips. I’m sorry Jared, I have been meaning to break up with you for weeks but you now, you’re deaf, so I didn’t want to seem like a dick by breaking the disabled kid’s heart.” Jared takes a deep breath and squeezes his eyes shut, tears running down his cheeks.  _“_ I bet fucking that deaf faggot is so much fun! You can use him as a warm hole but you can scream other people’s name because he won’t even hear—!”

The cup of coffee suddenly cracks in Jensen’s palm, ceramic pieces cutting the skin and making the blood run down his forearm and drop on the cream carpet. Jared jumps at the sound, turning to look at Jensen’s hand with a horrified expression, only getting to blink a couple of tears away before Jensen is pulling him into a hug, lips tightly pressed to Jared’s forehead.

Jensen can feel it pulsing inside of him, the monster roaring in his chest and trying to rip his own skin off so he can trespass the thin line of his decent human side. It wants to hunt and kill and not stop until it’s satisfied. Until the imagine of Jared crying completely disappears from his mind.

“Jensen,  _Jensen.”_ Jared whines hysterically into the hug. He has his arms around Jensen’s waist, so he’s not freaked out exactly because of him. “Your hand!”

“It’s nothing.” Jensen whispers through his teeth. He presses his nose to the top of Jared’s head—he can barely do it and Jared has to lean down a bit, he’ll probably end being taller than him—and takes a deep breath of that citric scent he loves so much, trying to calm his nerves. “I have dropped that cup a thousand times.” Jensen lies “It was about to crack with a little touch anyway.”

 “You’re bleeding.” Jared sniffles, trying to clean his tears but nuzzling into Jensen’s chest anyway. Jensen strokes his hair with his clean hand, shushing him gently. His right hand is throbbing, arm almost losing sensitivity because of how much it hurts, but he couldn’t care less. He has pretty tolerance for pain anyway.

“Doesn’t matter. I will clean up in a second, just… just let me,  _please._ ” Jensen whispers again, pressing another kiss to Jared’s forehead and holding him in a tight hug.

Jared seems to consider it for a moment and finally gives up, hugging Jensen just as tight and staying there with his face pressed to Jensen’s chest.

Jensen is not sure how long they stay there standing in his living room with his hand dripping blood on his own clothes and floor while Jared clings to him, neither of them saying anything at all.

It seems to shoo both Jensen and the Siren in him. To have Jared safe in his arms.

 

 

—

 

 

Jared was born with severe hearing loss.

It only took a couple weeks for the doctor to realize it after his mother noticed how Jared would never respond to her voice or the sound of his music toys, wouldn’t get startled in response of sudden loud noises and wouldn’t wake up at the sound of voices when he was fast asleep.

He spent a part of his childhood learning American Sign Language to communicate and didn’t get his first pair of hearing aids until he was seven. Even then he didn’t like to use them much, used to mostly silence or very low noises around him. To magnify all the noise made him cry and beg his mother to make it stop.

Jared liked signing more than talking, even if he knew how to do it since he wasn’t completely deaf and could hear his parents speak to him.

He started talking more when kids made fun of his signing and not let him play with them during recess at school and then completely dropped signing when his mother died in a bus crash when he was fourteen.

She had been the one who knew how to sign, the one who learned it for her son to then teach it to Jared.

His father always said that if Jared wanted to communicate he could use his mouth, he wasn’t completely deaf for a reason so he needed to stop acting like he was.

Middle school and high school were not fun at all for him. Teenagers are dicks in general, but they can become even worse when someone is slightly different. Jared was shy, insecure and had a disability. It was like honey for the bees when it came to bullies and assholes. That’s when he started letting his hair grow out, wearing it long enough to hide his hearing aids.

As soon as he graduated and started to look for getting into college, he stopped telling people about his hearing loss. Jared only mentioned it in official documents and when it was strictly necessary. But in front of all teachers, classmates and new friends he kept it a secret. He wouldn't say a word about it unless they noticed, and some people never did.

Jared became pretty good at reading lips and now he can handle the maximum volume in his hearing aids without it becoming annoyed, although it gives him headaches from time to time.

If he can, he avoids even talking about the subject.

But it seems like he’s slowly getting comfortable to chat about it with Jensen.

They discussed it for hours at his apartment that day Jared, giving Jensen the opportunity to apologize for reacting how he did. He had been simply surprised after they had more than a couple dates without Jared mentioning something that seemed like such a big deal. Jared told him that being deaf didn’t define who he was, it was just another part of him. He had hazel colored eyes, liked to eat tons of candies and had hearing problems.

Jensen couldn’t tell Jared how much he understood his situation, couldn’t tell him why, but he did. So instead of explaining why he got it, he let Jared talk. Talk and talk and talk _;_  about experiences around it and how it was to change from ASL to actual english language and the time the other boys from his gym class decided to hide one of his hearing aids and Jared had to stay until night at school trying to find it.

Sharing those memories wasn't easy for Jared so Jensen appreciated every time he added another little story or explained a new fact about the subject. It made Jensen wish he could do the same and tell Jared about his own little secret. But the difference between hearing loss and murdering people was far too vast to even consider it. 

Somewhere along the way they stopped having dates only at the bar, they started to talk and mention Jared’s hearing loss as if they were talking about the weather and things became serious enough for them to be labeled as boyfriends.

“Let me guess.” Mike leans against the wall, squinting while he looks up and down at Jensen. “Date night with your boy?”

“It’s three in the morning. Who has dates at three?” Jensen snorts, smacking Mike’s arms as he walks past him.

“Me and Tom, all the time. They’re called booty calls.”

“Jared is my  _boyfriend_ not a booty call, and he’s just picking me up. He had to study until late and stays over for the night,.” Which is actually going to be a first. They haven’t actually slept together, let alone stay at each other’s apartments.

 Although that doesn’t mean they haven’t had fun doing some little things already.

Jensen is not going to be crass about it and tell Mike, but they spent their last monday date sucking each other’s dicks before Jared left for his afternoon class.

“It’s 2015, Jensen, you can booty-call your boyfriend. Nothing wrong with wanting to meet just to get laid.” Mike clicks his tongue, shaking his head like he’s extremely disappointed.

“Tom is so lucky to have you.” Jensen hums with a sarcastic voice, giving Mike a smirk, who opens his mouth ready to make Jensen take that back when they both hear Jared calling for Jensen in the front of the bar. “Save that for later, gotta go.”

He pats Mike’s right cheek twice before leaving their little changing room, heart speeding up and the usual happy sensation he always feels when he’s going to see Jared curling down to the bottom of his stomach.

Mike makes sure to shout  _“_ And remember Jensen, no glove, no love! You two crazy kids have fun but be safe about it! _”_  right when Jensen opens the door to the front of the bar, making Jared’s face get red alarmingly fast.  _Funny_. Jensen might have to overthink his whole policy about not killing his co-workers.

“Just ignore him.” Jensen jumps over the counter, going to cup Jared’s face to then kiss him on the lips. “He’s messing with me because Tom can do better than him!” Jensen screams towards the door, still holding Jared’s face and then going for a second and longer kiss.

 _“_ No he doesn’t! _”_ Mike shouts in return, making Jared laugh against Jensen’s lips.

“How was school? Did you finish your paper?” Jensen tucks some of Jared’s loose hair behind his ear, leaving his hand on his cheek to stroke it softly with his thumb.

“Yes, last minute. But I think it turned out fine.”

He smiles when Jared nods proudly, humming as he keeps touching his blushing cheeks.

“Good, you’re going straight to bed. You barely got any sleep yesterday. Maybe I’ll have to kill your teacher for giving you so much work.” Jensen jokes.  _Kind of_. If the dude is not that nice he could lent Jared a hand.

“Just make sure you make it look like an accident. Or hide the body properly.” Jared laughs, taking Jensen’s hand and pulling him out of the bar.

 _Always_ , Jensen thinks with a little smile, lacing their fingers as they walk to the bus stop.

There’s something special about Jared, and sometimes Jensen can’t quite put his finger on it. It’s not his immunity to his powers, that’s a pretty great plus Jensen is grateful for, but it’s simply something else. Something ingrained  _in_ Jared, buried somewhere between his bones and muscles, making him who he is. Jensen can’t touch it or feel it, can’t grasp with his hand, that thing that makes Jared special, that makes him different from anybody he has ever dates.

He wonders if maybe Jared is some kind of creature himself, way more powerful than any Siren, keeping Jensen under some kind of spell he’s not interested in breaking.

Jared squeezes his hand and points at something out of the window once they are in the bus, snapping Jensen out of his thoughts. Jensen nods in return, not sure what is making Jared laugh and then lean his head on Jensen’s shoulder. Jared smells like herbal shampoo and lemons.

Jensen could drown in it.

At some point he doesn’t feel that guilty about the ones that died anymore, his past boyfriends and girlfriends. It will always be his fault, but the guilt seems to drift away whenever Jared is around.

It might sound incredibly fucked up, but Jensen can handle their deaths if they all guided him to meet Jared. He will carry that weight on his shoulders for the rest of his life if them dying pushed him closer to be with Jared.

“Want you.” Jared hisses in between kisses once they finally bump into Jensen’s front door, hands sliding under Jensen’s shirt, making his senses disconnect for a second. They had started making out somewhere in the middle of the ride home, even if Jensen has never been one to show public display of affection, he can’t help it around Jared. It got a little more heated when Jensen dragged Jared with him into the elevator to start to kiss him again, knee pressing between his legs.

And now here they are, with Jared almost humping him against the door while Jensen tries to make enough sense to decide if he should get the keys and try to get in the apartment or simply fuck Jared in the middle of the corridor.

Maybe they should stay indoors considering it could be their first time.

“Jensen. Come on.” There’s a whine in there and Jensen wonders if Jared has been planning on turning their seemingly innocent bed sharing into full-on sex since he proposed it to him on the phone five hours ago. “Want to feel you in me, please.  _Please?_ ”

Jared presses himself even closer, letting Jensen feel his erection through his pants. Jensen closes his eyes and throws his head back, moaning at the smell of Jared’s arousal pumping in his blood. He’s gonna eat him up.

“Was that the idea all along?” Jensen hums, brushing Jared’s lips with his thumb and licking his own when Jared opens his mouths to slowly suck on his fingers, giving him a good reminder of how pretty Jared’s lips look wrapped around his cock. “Is this why you wanted to stay at my place all along? Working until late so I could bring you here and fuck you, Jay?”

Jared moans around his finger and nods, rubbing himself against Jensen again, blush on his cheeks looking more attractive than ever.

Jensen could do it. Right there, turn Jared around and press him on the door, drop his pants and fuck him just how he knows Jared would love it. But he’s too damn possessive of his college boy to go for it, and the jealous growling ringing in his ears tells him his inner Siren would instantly murder anyone who ever sees Jared turned on and begging for his cock.

“Gonna give it to you.” Jensen promises, looking for his keys in his pocket to open the damn door. “You took the trouble to do all this for me to fuck you, Jay, now I’m gonna make sure to fill you up with my dick.”

It works like a charm, as if Jensen just said the words Jared has been dying to hear. His dilated pupils and erratic breath tell Jensen all he needs to know right before Jared is all over him again, sucking on his lips and kissing down his neck, trying to get his hands and mouth on every inch of skin he can reach. It’s fucking distracting, causing Jensen to forget for moments that he’s supposed to open the goddamn door so he can fuck Jared just how has been dying to do since he first laid eyes on him.

Jensen loses all patience when Jared slides his hand over his pants and grips his hard dick.Fuck it, he can get the door fixed later. Jensen grips the knob and turns it around hard enough to break it, finally allowing him to push the front door open and drag Jared inside with him.Jensen will kill anyone who tries to get in if they notice the broken lock. All he cares about right now is Jared, Jared,  _Jared_.

He pushes Jared on the bed once they get to the bedroom, eyes running down Jared’s body as Jared falls back and gives him a taunting smile. The little brat managed to get Jensen half undressed in a blink, somehow taking off his shirt and opening his pants in the few seconds that took them to get there.

His senses seem to focus only on Jared, the rest for the world forgotten. It all draws back to Jared, like a magnet that makes everything that Jensen is get pulled in his direction. He can only hear, feel and smell Jared. The sound of his body shifting on the bed, the drops of sweat on his neck, the smell of his pre-come damping his boxers.

It’s like a drug Jensen can’t get enough of.

He pushes down his pants and boxers at once, might get them out of the way now that Jared started undressing him. Jared’s eyes fixing on his dick as he lets out an almost inaudible gasp and pulls a cocky smile out of him. It’s of course not the first time Jared has seen him naked, but his reaction never fail to feed Jensen’s masculine ego. 

Jensen gets on the bed and on top of Jared, ready to get him in a similar state so he can taste every inch of salty skin. He slides his lips over Jared’s neck, raising goosebumps and causing Jared to arch his back. That’s when Jared’s hearing aids make a high pitched whistle, causing Jared to squeeze his eyes shut while Jensen grinds his teeth.

It’s not the first time they have done that. Jared explained before about the aids making that noise whenever they are not fitted correctly into his ear, as a warning for him to put them back in place again. They of course tend to get out of place when they are getting frisky in bed so Jared doesn’t like to wear them during sex, says they get in the way and kill the mood.

The first time Jared took them off when he was giving Jensen a blowjob.

It almost gave Jensen a heart attack. He wasn’t sure if the hearing aids were the ones that gave Jared immunity, and he would have rather ended his own life than hurting Jared like he did with his exes. A simple test—commanding Jared to do something in his Siren voice—confirmed he was indeed immune because of his severe hearing loss.

Jensen had never been so relieved in his life. Hearing aids or not, he couldn’t hurt Jared. 

Jared groans, covering his face with both hands when the whistle finally goes away. The noise is annoying for Jared, but he doesn’t realize how it actually hurts Jensen since it’s on frequency so high that his Siren senses magnify it whether he likes it or not.

Jensen is  _glad_ Jared doesn’t know. He would feel even more guilty about it.

“I hate these things.” Jared huffs, only causing Jensen to laugh as he leans down again, moving Jared’s hands away from his face.

He pins them to the bed over Jared’s head, holding them by his wrists. Jared looks surprise for a second but let’s Jensen do whatever he wants, urging on Jensen’s pride again. Jared trusts him that much now.

“They are not so bad.” Jensen uses his right hand to slowly unhook one of the hearing aids from behind Jared’s ears, carefully putting it away on his bedside table before repeating the process with the second one. “I like everything about you, _including_  these _._ ”

Jared bites his lower lip and looks down, clearly pleased with Jensen’s comment.

Whenever the hearing aids are out, Jensen makes sure be looking directly at Jared while he runs his mouth with dirty talk or praises so Jared can read his lips too. It’s even hotter that way, to look Jared in the eye and slowly pronounce how much he wants to flip him on his stomach and eat Jared’s out to his heart's content.

Jensen’s pretty sure Jared loves it just as much, can smell the endorphins levels increasing in Jared’s body caused by pleasure whenever he does it.

And Jensen is true to his word, too.

He flips Jared over, pressing his stomach to the bed at the same time he slides down Jared’s underwear. Jensen doesn’t waste a second, spreading Jared’s ass cheeks with both hands as soon as the fabric is out of the way. Sliding his tongue over the rim in one long stripe punches a loud moan out of Jared, who grips the blankets and curses out loud a second later. This is the fun part, slowly making Jared melt in his hands.

Or in this case, his tongue and mouth.

Jensen did say he wanted to eat Jared up, and that’s exactly what he does, pressing his face deeper into Jared’s ass, taking his sweet time to eat him out.

Jared seems to completely lose it when Jensen spits right in the crack of his ass and then digs his tongue past his hole, fucking him with his tongue.

Jensen is not sure if Jared realizes how loud he’s being, maybe if he had the hearing aids he would feel embarrassed and try to keep it down. Jared is cursing and moaning and asking for more and _right there_ and telling Jensen to  _not fucking stop,_ and he’s almost screaming it at the top of his lungs. Jensen really enjoys this part, when Jared gets so damn loud without even realizing it.

“Jensen—fuck! Stop, fuck,  _fuck!_ ” Jared pants after a while, looking at him over his shoulder and whining when Jensen pulls back and he can see a string of saliva connecting the tip of Jensen’s tongue with his hole. Jensen has been rimming him for almost ten minutes and Jared is close to edge by that point. “You need to fuck me  _now_ or I’m going to come.”

Oh, Jensen knows that. He knows Jared’s body and his little reactions good enough by now to be able to tell how close he’s to reaching his orgasm.Just with Jensen’s tongue up his ass,not a single finger touching his cock.

He crawls over Jared again, kissing up his back from his back dimples to his shoulder, turning Jared to his side as he tilts his head up. Jensen’s happy to see the sticky mess Jared left in his covers, drops of pre-come still sliding down his erection. “You say it like is a bad thing.”

“I want to come with your dick inside of me.” Jared clarifies, spreading his legs once again as he lays on his back, tempting Jensen far more than he can resist.

Jensen almost purrs, pupils dilating as he can smell Jared’s arousal fill up the room.

“Fuck, you really do want it, don’t you? Look at you, spreading your legs for my cock.” Jensen kisses him, harder and messier than before. Jared slowly unravels from being a little shy and insecure as soon as they start to fool around, and even though this is their first time going for full penetrative sex, Jensen could tell before that if Jared was comfortable enough he would beg and ask for what he wanted. And he knew what he wanted for sure.

Seeing Jared turn into this pretty little cockslut was one of the hottest things Jensen would ever witness.

Now that he’s getting some more than regularly thanks to being in a relationship with a gorgeous human, Jensen became a  _condom and lube in the bedside table_ kind of guy. Cliché from beginning to end, but it became more comfortable than stopping to go in the bathroom every time he was going to finger Jared.

“No, no way.” Jared protests, breaking away the kiss and knocking the condom out of Jensen’s hand. “Please?” He adds after a second, biting his lower lip and giving Jensen a begging look when Jensen frowns in return, confused.

“You don’t want me to use a condom?”

Jensen can’t get any STDs. Even if he slept with someone who had one he wouldn’t get infected, his Siren DNA basically protects him from all humans infections and diseases. He can’t get contaminated or even less transmit it to somebody else. Most of his sex partners would always insist on Jensen using a condom, and he understood where they were coming from, so he would always do it regardless.

“When I said I wanted to feel you inside me I meant it.” Jared hooks one leg around Jensen’s hips and arches his back, causing the head of Jensen’s dick to brush Jared’s rim. Jensen gasps at the small sensation, forcing himself to not get distracted by his basic instincts or he will end fucking Jared right in that instant. “Bare, nothing in between. Fucking me like nobody has ever done before.”

Jensen snaps his head up, staring intently at Jared as he stops breathing for a moment.

“You haven’t—?”

“ _Never_.” Jared almost sing-songs, arching his back for a second time. It has the same effect as before and Jensen can feel his dick twitching painfully between his legs. “Never wanted to, but with you—Jensen I want to feel  _you_. Skin on skin, fucking me for real.”

There’s a roar of pure possessiveness in Jensen’s head that is making it difficult to listen to more reasoning. Nobody has ever had Jared like Jensen will. Nobody has been inside of Jared bare, nobody ever came in his ass either. And Jared is giving this to Jensen.

Jensen has always figured that the Siren side of himself is a monster and also an animal. There are small animalistic traits in his instincts and behavior when he unleashes that part of him, and right now, Jared is speaking to that side. The possessive, territorial animal who will be able to mark Jared and make him his and only  _his_.

“Jensen, I want this.” Jared touches Jensen’s face with both hands, making him blink and look down. Jensen can feel his pupils almost blowing up, so huge and dilated with lust at this point that he wonders how Jared doesn’t see it. “You told me you didn’t have anything the other day and I—god, I want you so fucking bad I can barely keep it together half the time. I wanna be all yours.”

There’s no way in hell Jensen can keep himself together after that.

He wants this. Jared wants this. Jared trusts him enough to do this with  _him_.

Jared must see the change in his expression because he smiles and leans down again, rocking his hips as he keeps his legs spread open, the teasing little cockslut.

It doesn’t take Jensen long to change Jared’s teasing behavior into a moaning mess.

Fingering is probably what gets Jared off faster, from all they have done so far, nothing makes him lose his mind as much as Jensen finger-fucking him. Jared’s a bottomt; of all the guys Jensen has been with, none of them seemed to enjoy this as much as Jared does. It turns Jensen on enough to make him worry he’s going to come from just seeing Jared take three of his fingers sticky with lube and Jared’s own pre-come.

 _“God, fuck!”_ Jared curses loudly, grabbing Jensen's shoulder and trying to push him away. “T-Told you I wanted to come when you’re fucking me, t-teasing asshole.” He smiles at Jensen, air catching in his throat as he tries to breathe.

“Sorry, but is so hot to make you come.” Jensen licks his lips, slowly pulling his fingers out of Jared, bringing his hand up to lick his fingers, happy to see he gets the reaction he wanted out of Jared, whose face turns red within seconds before he smacks Jensen’s chest when he starts laughing.

“How can you be so shy after all we have done?” He hums, brushing Jared’s nose with his.

“How can you not be fucking me yet, Ackles?”

Jensen grabs him by his thighs, dragging Jared down on the bed with a harsh tug so he can position himself in the middle of Jared’s spread legs, making him yelp in surprise. Jensen rubs the head of his dick on Jared’s rim, leaning down to whisper  _“_ pushy little brat.” against his lips right before thrusting inside of him.

Jared throws his head back, moaning as loud as before and rocking his hips in a circular motion, trying to get Jensen’s cock inside him as deep as possible.

Jensen doesn’t wastes any time to give him what he wants.

Fucking Jared might be one of the greatest things Jensen has experienced yet. Getting to see his face and reactions every time Jensen thrusts his cock in and out in the right angle, the way Jared grips his hands on his shoulders and dig into Jensen’s skin until it  _hurts,_ hearing him pant _“_ yes, yes,Jensen, don’t fucking stop. Harder. Faster. Fuck, come on! Fuck me like you mean it.”as he moves his hips back, Jared’s inner muscles closing and tightening around his cock when Jensen does something that makes Jared feel especially good; there’s nothing quite like it.

His senses help him feel, hear and see everything in explicit detail. From Jared’s nipples hardening in his mouth when Jensen leans down to bite and lick them to the sounds of his dick thrusting inside of Jared’s ass.

Not to mention Jared was right. Fucking him bare is the best decision they could have made. Feeling Jared skin to skin is making this insanely pleasant.

Even more when Jensen remembers nobody has fucked Jared like this before.

“God!  _Oh my—fuck, shit, Jensen!_ Yes!” Jared rolls his hips, voice so filled with pleasure Jensen can only smile. Years and years of practice has made him pretty good at sex, if he can say so himself. Now he’s glad he can put it all to good use with Jared. So far it seems like Jensen’s experience is giving Jared the time of his life. Jensen has never heard Jared curse so much before.

Jensen grabs Jared by his ankles, moving them up to leave them over his own shoulders right before pressing down, causing Jared to whine loudly. His ass feels even tighter around Jensen’s cock in that position and Jensen can’t help but appreciate how bendy Jared is.

“Close, aren’t you?” Jensen thrusts into Jared even harder than before, “I know you’re about to come.” And Jensen  _truly_ knows. Jared’s heartbeat, his muscles twitching and pupils dilating indicates he’s maybe seconds away from reaching his orgasm. Jensen can  _smell_  it on Jared, that deliciously salty scent he produces when he’s about to come.

Jensen moves down past Jared’s face, nibbling on his right earlobe before biting it, feeling Jared’s body tensing up and holding his breath. He follows the edge of Jared’s ear with the tip of his tongue until he’s reaching the earlobe once more, hips thrusting faster now that he knows Jared is  _right there_.

“I wonder how loud you’ll moan when you come with my cock fucking you bare, Jay.”

Jared might be able to hear Jensen’s voice from how close he is, mouth pressed to Jared’s ear, and it might be the first time he hears Jensen without the help of the hearing aids. Just the two of them, nothing in between. Jared comes almost instantly. Grabbing on Jensen and holding him down as he cries out, nails scratching down Jensen’s back as Jensen feels Jared’s come start to make a mess between their stomachs.

It doesn’t take Jensen long to finish after that. Seeing Jared come like that triggers his own orgasm, fucking into Jared’s ass until he rides the last wave of it, forehead pressed to Jared’s so he can look his boy in the eye while he’s coming. It somehow makes him more possessive and territorial and god, all of Jensen is loving it.

Jensen doesn’t pull out for a while, staying on top of Jared as he licks the drops of sweat from his neck and strokes his hair with one hand.

Jared hums contently, happy to be on the receiving end of Jensen’s attention.

It’s not long before Jared starts to smell like Jensen. It’s only something he can perceive but it doesn’t matter.

They both know Jared is all his.

 

 

—

 

  

As it turns out, Jared’s apartment complex really  _is_ a dump.

A part of Jensen kind of thought Jared was exaggerating a bit every time he talked about his place and said he didn’t want to invite Jensen into such a shithole.

He informs Jensen about fifteen times that he doesn’t have to pretend to like the place, Jared knows it looks like garbage and he hates it anyway. It’s the only thing he can afford for now, so no sugarcoating and trying to find the good side of the building to be nice. Jensen swears on his life he will be an asshole about every inch of the place and Jared smiles and kisses him before he uses a key to open a heavy metal door.

If Jensen would come here alone at night he would think is some kind of abandoned building that got trashed before everybody left.

“See?” Jared smiles smugly when they start to walk past the first floor to go to the stairs. There’s a guy sleeping against one of the walls and Jensen can see blood pouring out from some part of the dude’s body. Jared doesn’t even blink though, so Jensen guesses is a usual occurrence there.

Jared lives on the fourth floor and has a very peculiar set of neighbors. Jensen hears people screaming in foreign languages when they pass the second floor and is pretty sure there’s someone cooking meth on the third floor. Jared says it’s better to ignore anybody who offers to sell him him anything at all, there are a lot of dealers living there and Jared is pretty sure they are shitty dealers on top of it; three guys have died on that floor from what looked like weird overdoses.

But from all the screaming, weird sounds and people lying on the floor, Jared only tenses up when they get to the fourth floor and see a guy coming down the stairs.

He doesn’t look like anything out of the ordinary; from all Jensen has seen so far he’s probably the most typical guy around there. He has dog tags around his neck and Jensen is able to read the inscription on them from where he’s standing behind Jared. The guy used to be a marine.

Jared is not looking at the guy though and it takes Jensen a whole second to notice how the ex-marine has a very improvised leash around his tightly closed fist and there’s a dog following behind him. It appears she is a mix between a german shepherd and a dingo and has a weird collar made of an old piece of rope around her neck with a plate that only says  _“Sadie”_. There’s something weird about the way she stands and how she breaths, like it really hurts to do it. Jensen frowns when he also sees how the skin seems to be red and swollen under the rope.

“Out of my way, Padalecki.” The guy grunts, making Jensen’s eyes snap back up. He closes his fist and tries to move past Jared, but Jared squeezes his hand before Jensen can take more than one step.

“Why? In a hurry to go be a piece of shit somewhere else?” Jared replies with a huff.

Is almost a surprise to hear Jared talk like that to anybody. In the months they have been together, Jensen hasn’t seen him this tense around anybody.

“Listen, you fucking—”

“I’d advise you to not finish whatever it is you are going to say.” Jensen cuts him off before the guy can say anything else, moving closer to Jared. It would be his most honest pleasure to beat up anyone who ever talks to Jared like that, but he won’t make a scene where Jared lives unless the guy decides to carry on and say one, little offensive thing about his boyfriend.

The ex-marine gives Jensen a long look, as if he’s trying to decide if is really worth it to not shut up after Jensen’s warning. After what feels like a long minute where none of them talks—but Sadie starts to whine, trying to get close to Jared, to which the guy responds by giving a harsh tug on the leash and Jared glaring daggers at the bastard—the guy gives up and continues to walk downstairs, moving past them and giving his dog’s leash another violent tug, almost dragging Sadie along.

Jared keeps on giving him toxic stares until he’s out of sight.

“Fucking asshole.” Jared spits and squeezes Jensen’s hand again so they keep walking towards his apartment.

“I can tell.” Jensen leans against the wall while Jared looks for his keys, crossing his arms and squinting towards the stairway. The guy reeked from head to toe, rotten personality probably giving him that putrid smell only Jensen can pick up. Still, he doesn’t need to be a Siren to guess what an asshole that guy is. “Aaron Travis Wade. Even his name screams  _douchebag_ , huh?”

Jared looks up at him with a confused expression.

“Do you know him or something? I didn’t say his name.”

Jensen hesitates for a moment.

“He had his dog tags on.” He shrugs, opting for the truth. Jared blinks and then shakes his head, pushing the door open and dragging Jensen inside with him.

“Well someone clearly isn’t going to need glasses anytime soon.” He jokes and Jensen just smiles in return, nodding along. Jared has no idea.

The inside of the apartment is a little more comforting than the outside. Not by a big difference, but is obvious that Jared has been trying to put up an effort with the shitty place. Almost all the wallpaper has been ripped off and the old, wooden floor has broken and missing parts, leaving the concrete on display. The place is not big either. It’s just a single room, a bathroom and a pseudo kitchen where Jared can only fit in a tiny fridge and old stove.

“The guy is a fucking dick, lives right above me.” Jared points to the ceiling. Most of the paint has been scratched off of it too. “I’m pretty sure he beats Sadie, the bastard. He used to have a girlfriend he would beat up all the time too, I saw her sometimes around the building and she was always sporting a shiner or bruises down her neck. Then she stopped showing up all together, who knows what he did to that poor girl.”

“Have you tried calling the police?”

“You saw the dog tags, he used to be a marine or something.” Jared groans before walking towards the fridge, taking two cans of coke and throwing one at Jensen, who of course catches it with one hand without batting an eye. “And you know the police, they aren’t gonna do shit because of that.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Jensen opens the can with one hand too, eyes scanning Jared up and down. “He hasn’t done anything to you, I mean…”

“No, he probably only goes after people who aren’t gonna press charges. Or you know, defenceless animals.” Jared huffs, clearly bothered about the whole thing. Jensen only needs two long strides to get to the other side of the small kitchen, sliding one arm around Jared’s waist and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“He’s a dickwad. Hopefully he will get what he deserves someday.” Too bad it can’t be by Jensen’s hand. He lives in Jared’s building, that seems risky. Killing someone Jared might know doesn’t sound like a good idea.

Not to mention he hasn’t killed anyone since they met.

“Come on, I’ll cook something so we can eat during the game.” They have to stream the Cowboys game on Jared’s laptop using a very slow wifi connection, but Jensen doesn’t really mind. Being with Jared is what counts.

“In my tiny little kitchen?” Jared snorts. “I would like to see you try. Not even  _you_  are that good at cooking to make something decent in here.”

Jensen smacks Jared’s ass and tells him to go start up the computer, making Jared laugh and before he goes to make sure everything is  ready so hopefully they can at least hear the game. They’ll watch it on Jared’s bed since there’s nowhere else to sit in the apartment. Jensen wonders how Jared’s back is not a mess when he has to do all his school work sitting on his bed. He’s going to start inviting Jared to work and study at his apartment more often.

Cooking for Jared is something Jensen has been doing more and more often since he figured Jared didn’t have money to buy lunch or get enough food for an entire week and now it’s something he really enjoys, like it’s some kind of hobby. Learning to cook new things that Jared will like. For him, a date where he’s cooking at Jared’s place while Jared lays down on his bed trying to make his laptop connect to the shitty wifi, is a great date.

Jensen is pretty sure he would enjoy doing anything with Jared.

Them running into that Aaron guy makes them start to talk about other assholes in their lives they can’t stand. Jensen doesn’t like a couple regulars from the bar and Jared hates a guy from one his classes. That leads them to assholes they have dated. Jensen tells him the story of a girl who stole his wallet and his watch by the end of the night and that for some reason makes Jared crack up until he cries from laughing.

Jensen would give him shit for making fun of it if Jared didn’t look so damn adorable when he laughs.

“What about you? Any assholes you had to deal with?” Jensen asks while he stirs the sauce he’s gonna use for the chicken wings he already fried. They haven’t really talk much about their respective exes, just small comments here and there. Jensen wouldn’t know how to explain everybody mysteriously _leaving him_  for no reason, and he doesn’t wants to lie about it or make them sound bad people. It would be pretty disrespectful to their remembrance and Jensen knows they are all gone because of him. He has told Jared the name of a couple of them and how long they stayed together. “You know, I don’t even know the name of any of your past boyfriends, good or bad.”

Jared takes a full minute to answer from where he’s sitting on the bed. “That’s because I haven’t had a boyfriend in a long time. Didn’t feel like it after the last break up some years ago.”

“Let me guess.” Jensen hums, tasting the sauce before adding more paprika to it. There’s certain sadness to Jared’s voice so Jensen thinks he can figure out the reason. “Guy broke your heart? Made you never want to date anyone again?”

This time, it takes Jared a heartbeat to reply, letting out a bitter laugh before whispering.

“Oh, he broke something alright. But it wasn’t my heart.”

Jensen stops breathing for almost an entire minute.

He keeps his eyes fixed on the scratched wallpaper in front of him, letting Jared’s words slowly sink in.

Something that Jared seemed to keep perfectly glued together inside of Jensen seems to snap in half, waking a dormant feeling Jensen hasn’t felt in  _months_. He lets it creep and crawl over every in inch of his body, fingers tingling and twitching when the invisible venom touches his fingertips, heart pounding slower with every second that passes with none of them saying anything at all.

Jensen takes a deep breath, cracking both sides of his neck as he slowly lets go of the spoon, hands shaking. He needs to relax, he needs to calm down. Jensen knows how to keep it in, has years of practice. He can’t do this hear.

_Not in front of Jared._

 

There’s a pounding in his head that makes it hard to concentrate and let his human brain think. The claws scratching the inside of his chest almost feel real this time, painful and wild enough to break past Jensen and go wild. _It_ hasn’t gone wild in such a long time. Years and years, Jensen barely remembers. He hasn't even hit his first fifty immortall anniversary when it happened.

Not even then it felt this strong.

“Jensen?” He hears from Jared, voice worried. He has no idea how long has it been since Jensen last replied. It could have been minutes or whole hours. Jensen doesn’t feel time passing when he stands there, letting himself be consumed by his most violent needs.

When Jared takes a peek into the kitchen, Jensen makes immediate eye contact, nostrils flaring.  _He remembers_. Jared has weird scars, on his arms and close to his stomach. Jensen always assumed they were childhood accidents. Falling from the bicycle when learning to ride, breaking an arm when trying to climb a tree. Humans are so fragile after all.

“What’s his name?” Jensen asks slowly, fingers tingling again.

Jared licks his lips nervously, starting to play with his hands.

“Uhm, did you hear that?” Jared tries to smile, but it just comes out as a grimace. He moves one hand behind his right ear, adjusting the volume of his hearing aid. “I probably didn’t realize how loud I said that. I thought  I had been much quieter.” He did, but Jensen still heard it as if Jared had screamed it right next to his ear. “Jensen—”

“ _Jay._ ” Jensen breaths in, closing his eyes for a second before trying to recover himself. “What did he do?”

When Jared finally looks back at him, Jensen knows he’s not going to like the answer.

 

 

—

 

 

Stephen. That’s the name.  _Stephen Amell._

Jensen feels it getting etched in the back of his head from the moment Jared says it out loud.

He was the last boyfriend Jared had a couple years ago and the reason why Jared didn’t want to date anybody else and also why he was insecure about accepting Jensen’s invitation to go out the first time they talked at the bar. Stephen was the friend of a friend, someone Jared met at a party once and thought was the nicest guy he could ever met. Stephen was all smiles and sweet words whenever they were out on dates; the way he used to look at Jared, how he would hold his hand. It felt right, it felt  _safe_.

But it was all on the outside. Stephen was all appearances, always showing his good side in front of others. The inside was different. And Jared got to see the worst parts of it.

 _“_ Stephen used to get mad around me.”was how Jared put it that night when they completely forgot the game and the dinner and talked about something Jared had been scared to talk about for years. Jensen suspects that’s how he decided to word it in the moment because Jensen’s anger must have been palpable in the air.

Getting mad around Jared meant he was the only one he was around to deal with Stephen everytime he lost his shit. He had some police records for his bad anger management that Jared didn’t find out about until he was way too into the relationship, way too deep.

Jared slowly changed from being around Stephen when his bad mood would blow up to being the reason why it would happen. Every little thing, whatever Jared did, it would set him off. Jared would wake up every day wondering what was gonna piss Stephen off enough to earn him a pair of broken ribs.

He didn’t like when Jared would take his hearing aids off. It pissed Stephen off when Jared wouldn’t answer him when he called for him across their apartment, didn’t like to repeat himself, thought it was somehow disrespectful of Jared to not react when he was talking to him.

The last time Jared took them off at Stephen’s apartment when he was going to sleep and Stephen told him to bring him something, Jared didn’t hear him. Chad had to drive him to the emergency room two hours later. He had been unconscious for a day.

Jared lied then, said he was mugged when they tried to make him fill a report of what happened.

 _“It feels weird to even think about it.”_ Jared said that night, head resting on Jensen’s lap, using him as a pillow. _“I was worried of what he would do if I tried to break up with him. I didn’t have any place to live, didn’t have anywhere to go and he knew it. I was scared, all the time.”_

Jensen doesn’t do it right away.

It would be extremely suspicious if something happened right after Jared told him the story. So Jensen takes a deep breath every morning for an entire month and  _waits_.

Jensen is good at waiting, immortality has given him a really good grasp of patience. Things will eventually happen if you just wait for the right time.

He waits and hunts. Finding Stephen is not hard, he has police records thanks to his bad anger managment, complains filed from his neighbors. He’s even sued for physically attacking his last boss. That dude is a piece of work. A lot of people will most certainly not miss him, but this time Jensen doesn’t care about that part.

Stephen might have parents and siblings and loved ones. People who will cry for him, whose lives will change forever if he’s not there anymore, but Jensen couldn’t give half a fuck.

He breaks into Stephen’s house in the middle of the night, makes noises on purpose so Stephen knows there’s someone in his house. Jensen wants Stephen to know what is coming, to get scared and feel unsafe like he made Jared feel so many times before.

Now Jensen understands why he could scent a hint of fear on Jared the night he accepted to go out at the bar. It was never because of Jensen. It was the memory of his last relationship, the worry that what Stephen did to him could happen again.

In the end is Stephen’s the one who’s gonna live that kind of nightmare, not Jared.

Jensen doesn’t do it there, he drags him to his own place. He gets a kick out of the guy’s terrified stare when his body starts obeying to everything Jensen orders as soon as he lets the Siren come out to play when his door is locked and Stephen is unconscious in the middle of his perfectly organized living room.

Stephen’s screams of pain are like music to his ears.

Taking his time is the best part of it and Jensen does it  _oh so slowly_. Jensen kills him painfully and makes it last as much as possible, knowing he’s dragging Stephen to insanity with the amounts of pain he’s inflicting on him.

Is the first time in over a hundred years that Jensen  _enjoys_  it.

He has killed assholes for a long time, but it was all necessity, what needed to be done to stay alive. This is different. Jensen closes his eyes and enjoys every second of it while remembering Jared crying in his lap and holding onto him.

Stephen dies in his bathtub, strangled and drowned before being perfectly disposed at the opposite side of the city.

It takes the cops a month to find the body, and that’s only because Jensen left enough subtle clues for them to do it. He wants them to find it for a simple reason because otherwise nobody would have ever found him just like they have never found anybody Jensen has murdered before.

Jared rings on his doorbelll the day the police discovers Stephen’s body and hugs Jensen as soon as he opens the door, face pressed to his neck.

“He’s dead.” Jared mumbles as Jensen tells him to come in and sit down, offers him coffee or tea but Jared shakes his head and holds his arms tighter and makes him stay with him on the sofa. “Remember… remember I told you I heard from someone else that Stephen was missing?”He was the friend of a friend _._  “Today they found him, someone killed Stephen.”

Jensen nods slowly, holding Jared hands. For a second he worries. That has been happening on and off for the past month. He doesn’t regret killing Stephen but he worries what it might mean for Jared. He never wants him to hurt again, or be in pain.

“Are you alright?” Jensen asks stroking Jared’s hands with his thumbs. “Jay—”

“Is it bad that I don’t care?” Jare snaps, squeezing Jensen’s arm. “Am I bad person because I’m glad? Fuck, that sounds horrible, you must think I’m sick but Jensen,  _I swear—”_

“Jared.” Jensen interrupts him, tucking his hair behind his ear carefully and shaking his head. “He was a dickwad. He used to beat you up until you were bleeding and begging him to stop.”

Jared nods and closes his eyes, leaning into the touch. “The first thing I thought was how glad I am that he’s dead. He got what he deserve and I’m… I’m glad he will never hurt anybody like he hurt me ever again.”

Jensen hugs Jared close, letting him place his head on his chest while Jensen presses kisses to his forehead and slides his fingers through Jared’s hair.

He assures Jared nobody is ever going to hurt him again and that he’s safe now. Jared hugs him closer and nods while Jensen rubs his back and looks at the now invisible trail that left Stephen’s blood when Jensen dragged his body across the floor. The stains are long gone now, the apartment perfectly clean since the very next day of Stephen’s murder.

Jensen kisses Jared’s temple and wonders if Jared would be also glad to know Stephen suffered the last hours of his life for what he did to him.

 

 

—

 

 

The sign for  _beautiful_  is described by doing a circle around your face while spreading your fingers, then closing them again at the end of the circle in a fist and finally spreading your fingers a second time.

It’s the first thing Jared teaches Jensen in ASL by request just so Jensen can sign it to him.

Jared doesn’t use sign language as much as he did when he was a kid, nobody else in his life knew how to do it so it slowly became pointless for Jared to practice at all. He’s always saying he’s a little rusty and that afternoon they have to use Jensen’s laptop to double-check some of the signs. Jared is a great teacher and seems incredibly amused by every silly mistake Jensen makes, laughing and leaning over to kiss him when Jensen ends signing something completely different than what they are learning.

In his defence, ASL seems way harder than Greek, that Jared says he wants to learn in return. Jensen is not that good at explaining, so he tells Jared how to say a couple simple things.

“Nobody has ever complimented me or tried to flirt in sign language, you get points for that.” Jared hums after Jensen signs‘I _like your smile_ ’,moving his fingers through Jensen’s hair and and correcting his hands’ movements every time Jensen does something wrong. They have been at Jensen’s place all morning and afternoon, doing one of their improvised classes and Jensen likes to think he doesn’t completely suckat it anymore.

Jared was there to write a paper for school but sometimes Jensen can’t help distracting him and Jared never seems to mind.

“You can say I’m the best boyfriend ever, I won’t get too cocky about it.” Jensen snorts and then laughs when Jared pinches his stomach, batting his hands away.

“Oh, you are so full of yourself. I’m surprised the size of your ego doesn’t take up the entire place.” Jared tucks his hair behind his ear and leans his head back, getting more comfortable on the couch. He’s sitting and Jensen is lying down, head comfortably positioned across Jared’s thighs. They are both only dressed in their underwear after Jensen’s distraction got a little too physical.

Fucking three times already makes this the start of a very good weekend.

“You love it.”

“If only the size of your dick was anything like it then maybe— _Hey! Cut it out!_ ” Jared giggles when Jensen turns his head around to bite his thigh in revenge, not hard enough to make it hurt but it will still leave a nice mark. “Jensen!”

“You weren’t saying that like an hour ago.” Jensen fakes an offended voice, pressing his nose to Jared’s soft bare stomach and nuzzling his face against it. “Begging for it would be even more accurate.”

Jared smacks Jensen’s back but he ignores it, shifting on the couch and wrapping his arms around Jared’s waist, making sure to press some kisses here and there over Jared’s abdomen.

“Fine, fine! Your dick has a great size and an hour ago I didn’t have a problem—”

“ _Begging_.” Jensen corrects immediately, voice coming out muffled with his mouth pressed to Jared’s stomach.

“ _Alright you cranky old man_! And hour ago I was begging for it you cocky asshole. Are you happy now?”

Jensen nods and hugs Jared as close and tight as he can, leaving his face pressed there and breathing in Jared’s scent. He always love that citric aroma lingering in Jared’s tanned skin, but Jensen especially enjoys when Jared also smells like him. It’s pretty intense after sex, of course, but they have been together so often that Jared is just naturally picking up Jensen’s own scent, making it part of himself.

Not relaxing under Jared’s touch is almost impossible. The feeling of his fingertips raking through his hair, over his arms and back makes Jensen smile and let out a content sigh. He would stay like that forever, time meaningless and the rest of the world worthless as long as he can be around Jared. Nothing else really matters, the rest of humanity could die and disappear and Jensen wouldn’t care one bit. The only person on earth worth giving everything for it right there in his arms.

“I’m glad you didn’t say it, though. It wouldn’t be true.” Jensen mumbles after a while, hot breath on Jared’s stomach making the boy shiver and stroke Jensen’s hair slowly, mumbling a distracted _“mhmm?”_ and nudging Jensen for him to elaborate.  “It’s really all you, Jared.”

Jensen likes to think he’s an okay boyfriend, that he makes Jared happy and that’s all what counts. But Jared is the real reason it works out so well, the reason why it simply feels  _right_ every time they are together.

Jared is like nobody he has ever met. And Jensen loves him.

He knows he does, hasn’t said it out loud, but it would be stupid to deny it to himself at this point.

Jensen breathes Jared in again, fingers ghosting over his lower back. Every inch of skin, every mark and mole and scar. There’s nothing Jensen doesn’t like. Even when Jared is a pain in the ass whenever he acts stubborn and angry and wants to discuss about something. Doesn’t matter, he’s Jensen’s pain in the ass.

He would kill for Jared, he would do anything for him. Jensen would rip his own heart out of chest if Jared asked for it.

The way Jared makes him feel, there’s nothing that has ever compared to it.

Sometimes Jensen thinks is not fair. For someone like Jared to be with him, the difference is too vast; Jared can do so much better than him. He could find someone who’s not rotten inside, someone  _good_. Jensen is certain that no creature like him should be allowed to keep someone like Jared to himself. It seems almost twisted that a abomination of nature like Jensen gets to snatch Jared to himself.

“Jensen, what are you talking about?” Jared chuckles, trying to make any sense of his words.

“You’re everything, Jared. You’re  _everything_.”

The good side, the kindness sometimes Jensen forgets is still out there, the reason why Jensen feels more like a human than a monster when they are together. Jared is the like sunshine on a rainy day.

“And I’m a freak.” Jensen whispers, closing his eyes and wondering how life would allow him to have Jared by his side. He has never done anything to deserve him, roaming around earth like some kind of reaper that feeds of others’ lives.

Jared makes him better though, as if something inside of him yearned to be even a little bit good,

a little bit closer to what Jared is made of.

He hasn’t killed anybody in months, hasn’t felt the need for it.

The last person was Stephen, and that happened for something completely different than his Siren needing to kill to survive.

Jensen is behind on the count, if he doesn’t murder humans in a certain amount of time, the immortal juice of his Siren side will run out and he will die. By this point Jensen shouldn’t be able to do anything but try to hunt and murder, the wall that keeps the Siren under control would have been long broken and the only thing in his mind would be kill, kill,  _kill._

_Follow your survival instincts, find someone and make sure to rip their guts out until they are bleeding out in your bare hands._

He closes his eyes and doesn’t hear it, doesn’t feel it. The blood thirsty need is not there.

The rotten places where all those fucked up needs come from are filled with nothing but  _Jared_. He will eventually have to kill someone to stay alive, but it will probably happen at the last moment, when Jensen knows he can’t postpone it anymore.

But it will be because he has to.

It will be a resource to stay alive and not a an animalistic need roaring in his chest.

Jared calms down the monster inside of him.

Jensen even likes himself better when Jared is around, doesn’t think of himself as the threatening and abnormal. He sits on his couch with Jared for hours learning sign language watching Jared laugh and thinks  _He_  can’t be that bad if I can make Jared smile like that.

“Don’t say that.” Jared snaps, grabbing Jensen by his shoulders and forcing him to turn and _look_ at him. There’s pain in his eyes, hurt by something that couldn’t be closer to the truth. “Jensen,  _don’t say that_.” He repeats, gritting his teeth and hand squeezing Jensen’s shoulder harder.

“Jared, I’m not that much a good person.”

He’s not even a person to begin with.

Jared frowns in return, expression so pained that it makes Jensen wince. He extends his hand to cup Jared’s face but Jared grabs his wrist, stopping him before Jensen can touch his left cheek.

“That’s not true. I don’t care what you thinkyou are. I know you.” Jared brings Jensen’s hand closer, lips brushing the skin of his fingertips as he talks. “You’re the best thing that could ever happen to me.”

He lets go of Jensen’s wrist, who only stares at him in disbelief.

Jared signs something in return and when Jensen asks what it is, Jared doesn’t answer, going back to brush his hair. Jensen presses his face to Jared’s stomach once more, thinking his heartbeat might break his own ribcage, the sudden feeling in his chest so full of joy Jensen doesn’t know if he can handle it.

It takes him about three weeks of research to find out the meaning of Jared’s sign.

_To fall in love._

 

 

—

 

 

There’s a small shitty diner close to Jared’s place that Jared loves.

They sell the most greasy and unhealthy food Jensen has ever seen and Jared’s face lights up every time they walk in, like a kid in Disneyland ready to spend the afternoon on every single ride. Jensen still gets surprised Jared hasn’t ended up with food poisoning from the amount of things he eats at a place that looks so damn shady.

 

“I’m just saying, good food has to look like this. Like it will give you a heart attack from simply staring at it.”

Jared steals two of Jensen’s fries from his plate, dipping them in ketchup and licking his fingers after throwing them into his mouth. Jensen watches him talk with an amused expression, munching on his own greasy hamburger. The taste is good, he has to admit that, but Jared’s utter passion for the place is something Jensen will never understand. He’ll simply limit himself to please Jared by taking him to eat there whenever he craves the food.

All Jared’s finals for the semester ended the day before. Jared came back to Jensen’s place after writing his last test and slept in Jensen’s bed for over twenty hours. When he finally woke up with his stomach growling for food, he insisted on coming down there to celebrate the end of the semester.

It’s been almost a year since they first met. Jensen likes to think this is also a celebration for that too.

The so called holidays are close enough and even though Jensen doesn’t celebrate or understands any of those half religious-half pagan festivities around winter solstice that humans seem to love so much he has been thinking about inviting Jared to spend the entire month with him at his place.

They can buy some silly lightning decorations and all considering Jensen doesn’t have any of those. Even one of those pointless trees, too. Whatever Jared wants.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you actually get one if you keep eating here.” Jensen teases in return, watching Jared stuff his face with an entire pepperoni pizza that is supposed to be for three but Jared is very capable of eating on his own.

“Not now,  _shush shush_.” Jared waves his hand in the air, taking another four fries from Jensen’s plate. “It’s eating time, no guilt tripping during eating time.”

Jensen laughs, leaning back in the old booth and lets Jared enjoy his dinner and half of Jensen’s too. As always, Jared has so much to talk and joke about. How annoying one of his professors was the whole semester and the utter pain in the ass that were his group projects. He talks really loud and moves his hands around and gets enough sauce from the pizza around his lips for Jensen to lean close and clean it with his thumb.

Jared lets him and keeps going with his story about the worst question in his last test, far too used to Jensen’s little touches to even bat an eye in return.

When Jensen pulls his hand back and licks the sause from his thumb, the sound of someone walking in the diner makes him turn around and look. It’s not how the guy sounds as much as he  _smells_. The decomposing scent pouring out of the guy’s skin is something Jensen has smelled before and lets him know what the guy is right away.  _Rapist_. They all have part of the same rancid vibe around them, Jensen could pinpoint every one in a large crowd. 

The worst part is probably the fact that the guy did it not long ago.

The tall, burly man goes all the way to the counter and calls for the waitress by whistling and referring to her as  _blonde bimbo_. Just from the expression in the young girl, Jensen guesses this is not the first time the guy comes in there and she’s obviously not happy to see him.

Jared huffs in front of him and Jensen turns around, only to find him also frowning at the guy.

“Know him?”

“No but I saw the police showing a picture of him around the neighborhood around two months ago. Apparently he did something to one of the cashiers from the coffee shop down the street.” Jared shakes his head, picking the slices of pepperoni from the pizza and eating them. “I don’t even want to think what he did to that girl, she was always so nice whenever I went for coffee in the mornings.”

Jensen gets an idea of what it was. And for the way the guy reeks, it seems like he did it again.

As Jared slowly picks up the conversation, Jensen tries his best to both pay attention to him and keep an eye out on the guy eating at the counter. He snaps at the waitress for everything she does and laughs when she jumps at every little sign of violence, from slamming down his beer to barking for a refill.

Jensen hasn’t killed anyone in what could now be described as a  _long time_  now. He can feel himself getting tired some days, reflection in the mirror proving that the immortality obtained from his Siren side is slowly wearing off. Jared keeps insisting Jensen looks sick, but he keeps dismissing it as lack of sleep from picking extra shifts at the bar.

He will eventually have to do it again. Jensen could either die or snap in a moment of weakness and end hurting someone who doesn’t deserve it. The monster in him is always dormant and peaceful about Jared, keeping him grounded and human, but it’s not the same the rest of the time.

Jensen could end doing something to Mike or Genevieve or someone else who is close enough to him. He can’t let that happen, can’t use Jared as a security belt until he breaks.

It’s not safe for anyone.

He could take this chance. This obviously despicable guy is right there, making other people’s life a living hell. Jensen could kill him in a second, wouldn’t take him that long once he uses the poison in his voice. It would probably be faster than usual considering he hasn’t done it in a while.

If he’s gonna spend Jared’s vacations with him he might do it now, rip off the bandage and get over with it already. That way he can spend the coming weeks without having to worry about it and solely enjoying his time with Jared.

“I’ll be right back.” Jensen says after they are both done eating and the other guy is walking to the front door—Jensen heard him threaten the terrified waitress before leaving, but she won’t have to worry about the asshole ever again—, leaving enough money on the table for Jared to pay for their dinner. “I’ll go to the bathroom. Order me a brownie with icecream, would you?”

Jared beams at the mention of candy, giving Jensen a mischievous smile. “Can we share?”

“Always.” Jensen smiles in return, standing up and pressing a brief kiss to Jared’s pink lips before walking towards the shitty bathroom in the back of the diner.

Jensen locks the door as soon as he gets there, checking every stall to make sure nobody else is in there. Jared has dragged them both to that diner enough times for Jensen to know there’s a backdoor in there that leads to the alley behind the building. It always seemed to be locked, but that’s not a problem for him.

He breaks the lock by pushing the metallic back door with both hands, leaving the surface dented where his fingers and palm applied more pressure. It’s raining. Jensen didn’t notice until now. Being around Jared is always so distracting.

Slipping his jacket all the way up and putting his hoodie on, Jensen only needs one sniff the air to pick up the disgusting scent once again, needing only ten steps down the same alley to find the guy leaning against the brick wall, taking a smoke. Jensen narrows his eyes and only stops until he’s standing a couple meters away.

“The fuck are you looking at?” The guy snaps when he notices Jensen standing there, simply staring at him.

Jensen shrugs, checking the time on his clock. It will only take around ten minutes for dessert to be ready and Jared to come looking for him in the bathroom. He has to make this quick. Too bad, this asshole really deserves to suffer.

“Dead meat.” Jensen answers, taking another step.

“Fuck off and go back to hold hands with the other faggot you were—”

The first punch is enough to bust his lower lip open and knock out two of his teeth. Jensen breaks the guy’s chin and dislocates his jaw at the same time, making him fall ass first to the ground. The guy howls in pain once, that’s all Jensen gives him before kicking him in the center, breaking his ribcage and making one of the broken bones go through his left lung.

The guy throws up blood on the concrete, almost choking on that alone, coughing and trying to not asphyxiate.  _Ironic_. Jensen is going to strangle him to death anyway.

“Get up.” Jensen hisses, rubbing the blood from his knuckles. He’ll have to clean that  before he goes back to the table. The guy lets out a muffled scream of surprise when he starts to move on the ground, holding his chest and giving Jensen a terrified stare. They all do that.

“Stop fucking whining already. You’re not even worth to beg for your life.”

The guy snaps his mouth closed, breathing hard and trying to walk away. It must hurt like hell with the broken ribs and perforated lung, but Jensen has never been one to feel pity for those who don’t deserve it.

He slams the guy into the wall with a single hand, looking at him in the eye and shaking his head.

“Who did you rape this time? How long it’s been since you did it before coming here to scare that waitress?” The guy widens his eyes, trying to struggle out of Jensen’s hold but there’s no way he can get away now. “ _You piece of shit_.”

A thin line of blood drips out of the guy’s ear, causing him to howl in pain against his closed mouth.

“Feel that?” Jensen hums. “It’s your brain starting to melt because of the poison in my voice. Hurts like a motherfucker, doesn't it?”

Jensen closes his right hand around the guy’s throat, pressing his thumb over his airway to suffocate him.

“I’ll make sure to make this hurt before you go straight to hell, you worthless waste of space.” He squeezes even harder, ignoring the guy’s kicks and muffled screams. It’s a very dark alleyway in the middle of a rainy night in one of the worst neighborhoods in the city.

Nobody is going to see or hear anything.

The guy’s eyes get bloodshot in a second, kicks and movements lacking strength as Jensen strangles him. He could simply break the dude’s neck and get on with it, but he knows that whatever gets close to drowning someone will please his Siren blood long enough for him to not having to do this again in months.

_“Jensen!”_

The sound of Jared’s voice breaks through the air and past the dizziness clouding his head from pleasing his Siren, causing Jensen to snap out of it immediately, moving his hand away from the guy’s throat and turning to look down the alley.

Jared is there. Standing between the open door of the bathroom and Jensen, getting soaked wet under the rain and looking at him with an expression Jensen has never seen before.

 _No, no, no_. This can’t be happening. Jared can’t be there. He can’t see Jensen like this,  _he can’t._  Jensen feels his heart start beating out of control like a gunshot, as if he had been running a marathon across the country and his body is about to give up.

Jared may have hearing loss, but that also means he has a little advantage regarding all his other senses. There’s no way he didn’t see what Jensen was just doing even if he’s standing in a dark alley in the rain.

“Jensen!” Jared screams again, tone hysteric. “What the— _what the fuck are you doing?_ ”

“Jared,  _Jay_.” Jensen puts his hands up, trying to not look threatening. It’s a bad decision, both palms are covered in blood. Jared gasps in horror, stepping back.  _Oh, fuck._ “Jared, I can explain, just please let me—”

“Explain?” Jared shakes his head, eyes snapping from Jensen to the guy behind him, who is now sitting on the floor still trying to breathe. “You’re...you're fucking killing someone! You were about to kill him!”

“I have to.” Jensen replies almost instantly, looking desperate. “Jared, I swear I wouldn't—”

 _“Have to?”_  Jared repeats, looking more freaked out by the second. Jensen never wanted this. Not for Jared, never for him to see this side of him. The rotten, the bad side. The one he could never love like the rest of Jensen. “You _have to_ kill someone in the middle of an alley? What the fuck is that suppose to mean?”

Jensen opens his mouth, hands shaking, ready to explain it all, to put everything on the table so Jared might understand. That’s when the guy tries to get up, using the brick wall to get some balance. Jensen turns his head by pure instinct, following the predatory reaction in his head that indicates that his prey is about to leave, snapping  _“Sit down and stay there!”_ with a harsh voice.

The guy presses against the ground, howling in pain again as more blood pours out of his ear, trying to force his feet to move but they could easily be glued to the ground.

Jared stares at the entire scene with nothing but fear painted across his lovely face. The only emotion Jensen prayed the boy would never feel around him. Jared is scared of him _._

“What, what…” Jared mumbles, voice breaking, and Jensen knows he’s trying to hold back tears. “What  _are you?_ ”

“Jared, please listen, if you would let me explain—” Jensen takes two steps closer and Jared almost jumps out of his skin, moving two steps away from Jensen and shaking his head violently.

“You stay away from me!” He’s crying now, looking so confused and pained that it hurts Jensen’s heart. He wants to get close, make it all go away. Make Jared happy again. “Were you planning to eventually do that to me?” Jared asks with a soft voice, roughly cleaning the tears from his cheeks.

The question alone feels like Jensen’s chest is being burnt with hot metal.

“ _No!”_ He screams, voice echoing through the alley. “Jared, of course not!” Jensen assures, pressing one hand to his forehead before pulling the edges of his hair, frustrated. “I would never hurt you!” Not Jared. Never Jared. Jensen would kill himself before ever causing any harm to him. _“I love you!”_

Jared covers his mouth, shaking his head and crying harder. It breaks Jensen’s heart to be the reason behind Jared’s tears.

“I don’t believe you.” Jared whispers, starting to walk away backwards, so much fear pouring out of his skin that Jensen will never be able to forget how scared Jared is of him right now.

Jensen has never truly loved anybody until he met Jared. And now that Jared has seen it all, he doesn’t believe Jensen can love at all.

“ _No!_  Don’t get any closer, don’t ever fucking touch me again.” Jared yells, pointing at Jensen when he tries to walk towards him. “I want you to stay the fuck away from me. You hear me? Don’t ever get close to me again!”

Jared turns around and runs as fast as he can, away from Jensen and the dark alley.

And Jensen stays there, standing in the rain and watching him leave.

 

 

—

 

 

When Jensen was still a kid, his mom told him stories of how death would feel.

They fed and lived off of it, so knowing the feeling behind it only made sense. She would explain it was different from Sirens than humans. It was slower, and it didn’t bring any pain. He would cease to exist quietly, like the light of a candle being blown out, and then there would be nothing.

No heaven, no hell. No light, no darkness. Just  _nothing_.

As if coldness would be felt with all senses. Seen, tasted and heard.

Jensen would die and disappear, and there wouldn’t be a thing for him afterwards.

It always seemed like a fair destiny for a creature such as himself. After all, he didn’t deserve anything at all.

He’s not sure how long it’s been since Jared left that night at the alley, time means nothing to him when Jensen doesn’t wish to pay attention to it. Day and night goes by and Jensen sits on his couch, staring at nothing without feeding or caring for his human body and letting the immortal Siren juice drain out of him. How much he has sitting there is meaningless, he will eventually die anyway.

At the end, he didn’t kill the guy from the dinner. Jensen left almost an hour after Jared did, leaving the guy to his own, agonizing pain. Without the murder completed, it didn’t feed his Siren at all. Jensen has had enough time without killing for him to run out of immortality and die. He could do something about it, go out there and find someone who deserves it, but Jensen simply doesn’t want to.

He’s tired.

Tired of trying to be normal, trying to pretend to be a human. He’s tired of looking for something that will never happen to him.

He got love. He experienced love, he felt love. Jensen had it in his hands, tasted it with his lips and could sense it beating through with his heart every second of every day.

Living without such a joy seemed meaningless. Why would he want to stay in an eternal rainy day without the sun?

Staying alive after losing Jared was pointless. Living each day knowing that the only person he loved was now scared of the monster Jensen is seemed unthinkable.

Jensen didn’t want to keep on being a murdering animal who couldn’t control himself every few months and he definitely didn’t want to carry on with his human side if he couldn’t be with his other human half.

He’s had have two hundred years on earth. That seemed more than enough.

At some point he left Genevieve a message, quitting his job, not giving any more explanation than that. He had cracked his phone at the end of the call, throwing it towards one of the walls and locking himself in his apartment for the next few weeks. He really didn’t need to do anything else apart from that. Call his boss to quit and then wait for death to creep into him.

That only confirmed that staying around didn’t make any sense.

Life has no meaning if there’s nothing worth living for. Jensen had enough time to learn that, and he tried to find that reason beyond killing for his own good and now there is nothing that could push him to keep trying.

He walks around the apartment, going from doing absolutely nothing to rereading some of his books. Some of them are missing and Jensen wonders if he has managed to lose them around the place without even realizing.

It’s just matter of time now.

Jensen opens his eyes in the tub when he thinks he hears a noise outside. Breathing underwater is a given for him, he likes filling up the bathtub with cold water and stay underneath the surface for hours. Everything around him seems to stop when he does that, and that’s exactly what Jensen needs right now to waste the time. Make everything else pass like a blur so he can’t torment himself with the memories of Jared screaming and crying in the alley.

There’s a thunderstorm going off outside. It’s probably just that.

Jensen closes his eyes, enjoying the freezing cold water around his skin.

When the noise outside becomes a constant banging that won’t go away Jensen finally sits up on the bathtub’s edge, taking a deep breath of air and dripping water everywhere. His senses recognize the noise outside almost immediately, citric smell filling up his lungs in a beat.

Jared is banging on the front door and yelling for Jensen to open up.

He sits there in the cold water for an entire minute, wondering if it is possible that he wants Jared  _so bad_  that his brain is somehow hallucinating his presence. It’s not until Jared screams Jensen’s name at the top of his lungs and adds  _‘you better not be dead yet!’_ that Jensen snaps out of it. There’s no way that a hallucination of Jared made up in his head would make any reference to his Siren powers.

Jensen stumbles out of the bathroom, getting dressed again while his body is still wet, rubbing his head with the towel on the floor before he goes to open the front door, where Jared seems to be kicking and punching it at this point.

He doesn’t expect what the sees when he swings the door open.

Jared is covered in blood.

His lower lip is swollen and soon his eye would swell shut if the bruise around it was any indication . He’s soaking wet and shaking slightly because of it, like he ran around in the thunderstorm to Jensen’s place.

He thinks he sees something like relief cross Jared’s face for a light second, but is probably just wishful thinking.

Jensen knows what Jared said, remembers very well how he should never touch Jared again. But he can’t help it. Jensen’s hands fly to Jared’s face before he can think twice, touching his lips carefully and stroking his wet hair.

“Jared! What happened to you?” Jensen shakes him, immediately starting to look for more injuries. A closer approach lets him realize most of the blood is not Jared’s. At least there is that, it doesn’t seem like he got the worst part of whatever it is that went down. “Are you okay? Does anything hurt? Jared!  _Please talk to me!_ ”

He’s officially moving to freaking out territory over there. Seeing Jared again,  _feeling_  him so close _,_  it seems to put together something inside of Jensen. But suddenly seeing him like this is also make all his protective alarms start to go off in his head.

All Jensen cares in that moment is to make sure Jared is okay. Like a cassette repeating the same tape over and over again. Protect Jared. Look out for Jared. Keep Jared safe.

Jared, for his part, stands in place as he lets Jensen move his hands over the wounds on his face, still shaking in his wet hoodie.

“Jared, I really need you to say something I need to know—”

“I got him.” Jared nods, teeth chattering. “I got him for you.”

Jensen stops, looking back at the boy with a confused expression.

“You’re not making any sense, who did you get? What are you talking about, Jay?” He can’t help letting the term of endearment slipeep, thumb brushing Jared’s bangs out of his face carefully.  “Let’s get inside, I’ll get you a towel and dry clothes.”

That seems to snap something in Jared’s head.

“No! There’s no time! We have to go now!” He grabs Jensen’s right wrist, trying to pull him out of the apartment. “Jensen! We have to leave!”

“Jared, what the hell is going on? Are you in some kind of trouble? You can tell me, I’ll do anything you need—”

“You’re a Siren, aren’t you?” Jared blurts out, letting go of Jensen’s arm and stepping in Jensen’s space, getting into his face. Jensen stares at him in silence, brain going blank. He opens and closes his mouth, not sure of what he’s supposed to say or do now. Jared knew he was  _something_ the night Jensen almost killed that guy, he saw some of his powers, but there’s no way he could have guessed it all from simply seeing that. At Jensen’s lack of answer Jared groans, walking past Jensen and into the apartment, going straight to the bookshelves in the living room.

He grabs one of Jensen’s books, shaking it in the air.

“Like one of the Sirens that are mentioned in all the fucking books you have in here!” Jared opens it roughly, passing the pages violently until he finds the most read chapter with dog ears everywhere. “I’m talking Greek mythology coming to life, the whole fucking charade! You’re one, aren’t you?”

Jensen doesn’t say a word, closing the door behind him and looking down. No one has ever known. Nobody besides his parents. Jensen doesn’t have a carefully prepared speech up his sleeve, doesn’t know the right things he’s supposed to say now. It’s the only thing nobody was supposed to ever find out.

“Oh, come on!” Jared yells, throwing the book to the floor. “Work with me here, Jensen! I sound like I’m out of my mind and making a crazy scene in the middle of your apartment but I know I’m right!” He points at Jensen and then starts pacing around, rubbing his face nervously. “I know what I saw that night and I know you’re a halfbreed, too.”

Jensen gasps, looking at Jared again, heart bumping faster in his chest.

“How do you know that?”

Jared swallows and licks his lips, nodding mostly to himself. “So I’m right, you are. You are half human and half Siren. I was right, I thought I was maybe making it all in my mind but is true and you—”

“Jared,  _how_ do you know that _?_ ”

“I took some of your books by mistake. After I spent finals week studying here I took all the books I found in the livingroom and it turned out some of those were yours.” Jared explains as Jensen moves closer to the bookshelf, looking for one title in specific. “One of them has all this annotations around, and the word ‘half breed’ underlined.”  _Jensen’s favorite book._  The only one that ever acknowledged the possibility of breeding between Sirens and humans. “After reading so much about Sirens in the other books it just made sense, so many of the other things about full Sirens didn’t seem to completely fit with you. But if you were also human too, then it would explain the rest.”

Jensen underestimated Jared the entire time. He’s smart. Putting the pieces together once he had the initial clue was only a matter of time.

“When was the last time you killed someone?”

This is the last conversation he ever wants to have with Jared. He saw enough of Jensen’s worst side already, he doesn’t need the specifics of it.

“Jensen. Tell me!” Jared insists, stepping close again and grabbing Jensen’s face, forcing him to look at Jared. Jensen almost wants to yell in relief to feel Jareds touch on him. “You murdered Stephen, didn’t you?”

There’s no going back now. Jared knows too much, he knows  _everything._  Jensen guesses that it’s only fair to answer all his questions now.

“Yes.” He whispers, keeping eye contact while he does.

Jared takes a deep breath and nods, lower lip trembling. “And did you do that for me?”

It takes Jensen a heartbeat to reply.

“He hurt you, Jay.”

Jared closes his eyes, tears sliding down his tears before he presses his face between the space of Jensen’s neck and his right shoulder. To Jensen’s utter surprise, he lets go of his face and puts his arms around his waist, hugging him for a brief moment.

“You idiot, you could have— _fuck, no,_  okay.” Jared pulls back, blinking away more tears. “Tell me you just don’t kill anyone you feel like killing. Tell me you’re not a psychopath or something.”

“I do it to survive, but I would never take an innocent life to keep on living.” Jensen tries to explain, hoping Jared would get close again and touch him. “That guy from the alley? He raped someone. I could still smell in on him.” Jared winces in response. “That’s how I do it. I can pick the ones who deserve it, Jared. I know it’s just as fucked up but I need you to understand I would  _never_ hurt  _you_ or anybody else who—”

“I know that.” Jared interrupts, looking guilty now. “I’m sorry about what I said.”

“No, you don’t have to be. I lied, Jared. I never told you anything about this part of myself. I don’t know why you’re here after what happened.” Jensen is not complaining, but it doesn’t make any sense.

Jared seems to suddenly remember something he was ignoring until now.

“You haven’t told me, when was the last time you killed someone?”

Jensen has been talking about everything Jared wants to know so far, but he doesn’t want to get to this subject yet. Jared bites his lower lip, shaking his head and mouthing “Stephen?”

Jensen nods in return.

The slap on his face comes out of nowhere, leaving a burning sensation on his skin after Jared smacks his face with one hand.

“So, what? You are just gonna let yourself die?” Jared accuses, voice trembling again. “You selfish asshole. You can’t do that. _You can’t do that to me!_ ” He walks up to Jensen one more time, shoving his shoulder. “As soon as I read that Sirens have to kill to survive I knew you had stopped! I called your phone and went to the bar. Genevieve said she hasn’t seen you in weeks, Jensen! I thought you were already dead!” He shoves Jensen a second time, harder than before. Jensen doesn’t fight it, lets Jared express his anger and frustration. “Stephen was months ago! How much time do you have left?”

Jensen shrugs, not sure himself. “A week. Maybe two.”

Three if he’s unlucky enough to drag it out even longer.

The second slap stings even more than the first one, but this time Jared makes sure to cup his face afterward and press his lips against the reddening handprint.

“You are an asshole and you’re gonna hear what I have to say about this later.” Jared promises, anger still lingering in his voice. “But now you have to come with me.  _Now_ , Jensen.”

Jensen closes his eyes and presses his forehead against Jared, not completely understanding everything he’s saying. But as long as he can stay around him a little longer, he won’t fight it.

“Why?”

“Because I got him _. I got someone for you to kill._ ”

 

 

—

 

 

Jared’s place is a mess.

It took them a while to find a cab that would take them both to that part of the city with Jared looking like that. He didn’t accept any of Jensen’s clothes or let him clean his wounds, insisting that they couldn’t lose more time.

Once they get there and Jared pushes Jensen inside of his small, shitty apartment, Jensen understands where all the blood came from.

Jared’s neighbor is there, lying on the floor with his hands tied behind his back with Jared’s old sheets. He seems to have a broken nose and an open wound on his head. Jensen can only wonder how did Jared manage to do this to an ex-marine. The guy is a violent dickwad, he could have killed him.

“I had a knife.” Jared stutters, guessing Jensen’s thoughts as they both stare at Aaron. There’s a pool of blood around his head, but he seems to still be alive. “I did it when he was going to leave earlier today, didn’t hear me coming. Even after I hurt him he still tried to fight back, that’s how I got these.” Jared points to his face, not giving it much thought. “I don’t know how to… do this kind of thing, I guess I didn’t stab him in the right place. Took a while for the wound to start to bleed and make him pass out, he beat me while he was still conscious.”

“How did you get him in here?”

“I dragged him across the hallway and cleaned the blood after.”

The Siren in Jensen is almost proud, beaming in twisted pleasure at his mate’s sloppy abilities. Jensen shoves the feelings down, shaking his head. Now is not the time for that.

A whine comes from Jared’s closed door, and he hurries to go open the door. Sadie— Aaron’s dog— comes to greet Jared immediately, barking and licking his face when Jared kneels to scratch behind her ears. She doesn’t seem mad at all that Jared almost killed her owner and Jensen can understand why.

“Hi, Sadie. Hey Sadie-girl.” Jared coos at her, kissing her head and rubbing her back. Sadie wags her tail and barks again, nuzzling her face into Jared’s legs. “It’s okay, it’s alright. We’re gonna keep you after Jen takes care of that bad man.”

“Jared—”

“I’ll put her back in the room.” Jared stands up, still rubbing Sadie’s head. “Come on girl, you can sleep on my bed.”

Sadie is more than happy to follow Jared around, jumping on his bed when Jared sits there. Jensen walks around Aaron in the meantime, examining the wounds. He’s still breathing but he won’t survive after what Jared did to him. Jensen doesn’t give him more than two hours.

“Stay there Sadie. Sit.” Jared points at the from the door. “It won’t take long.”

He closes his room’s door and faces Jensen. He’s nervous and a little anxious, but Jensen can’t smell fear coming from him anymore. It’s somehow a relief, but Jensen is not sure this is the answer. Jensen can’t take someone like Jared and turn him into  _this_ , can’t drag him in the hell hole that is this part of his life.

“Save it.” Jared says out loud, once again guessing Jensen’s worries. He got so good at reading Jensen’s expressions after being together for long. “I know what I’m doing.”

“No, Jared. You don’t. And I love you too much to let you do this. You’re  _not_ a killer.” Jared is the light, he’s the sun. He’s kindness and smiles and the only good thing left in Jensen’s life. “I can’t do this to you.”

“Would you pull your head out of your ass already and understand that you’re not making me do anything. I’m choosing to do this for you.  _With you.”_ Jared explains, “I know I might have needed some saving in the past but this is not the case. I want you to stay alive, Jensen. And I love you too much to go on without you.”

Jensen used to wonder if he would ever love someone enough. If he would love someone enough to take their old shitty bar and keep it even if he hated it. If he would love enough to stay around even when times were harsh and the future seemed impossible to deal with. If he could love like humans, if he could be capable of feeling love in such intensity that he would do anything for the other person.

As it turns out, Jensen found someone who loves  _him_ enough. Who loves him like he does.

Twisted, fucked-up parts and all.

“You should stay with Sadie while I do it.” Jensen says softly, tucking some of Jared’s hair behind his ear, squeezing one of his hands. “I don’t want you to see this.”

“I don’t want you to hide parts of you anymore. We’re past that.” Jared fights back immediately. _“I like all of you. Including this.”_

Jensen smiles, lips pressed against Jared’s hearing aids. It still seems a mistake of nature to let someone like him keep by his side someone like Jared. But Jensen will comply for as long as Jared wants to stay by his side.

He tilts Jared’s chin up with two fingers, happy to see Jared comply. Jensen leans down, kissing Jared softly and feeling the boy open his mouth and kiss him return. It’s like no time has passed at all, taste still the same and the feeling in Jensen’s chest just as strong when their lips touch. Jared deepens the kiss and Jensen knows there’s no going back after this.

“I’m a monster, Jay. I need you to know that.” Jensen whispers against Jared’s mouth, lips brushing against each other’s.

“No, you aren’t! Jensen, don’t say—”

“No, it’s true. A part of me is not completely good and I need you to understand that or this is not going to work out.” Jensen repeats, trying to make Jared see. He has bad parts. Jensen is rotten inside. There are two parts of himself. It doesn’t define who Jensen is but it’s part of  _who_  he is. “A part of me is not good, but  _all_ of me loves you. Human and Siren."

 _“Alright_."Jared signs with one hand before whispering. “I love you, too.”

“You know I’m a monster, right?” Jensen checks one last time, looking Jared in the eyes.

Jared smiles in return and Jensen thinks  _‘I can’t be so bad if I can make Jared smile like that’._

“Yes. But you’re mine.”

 


End file.
